This was a better week. Not better in terms of stress and the “valid” reasons I had last week for not putting in my best effort. But it was better in terms of how I dealt with that stress.
Everything is a stimulus and then a reaction. I cannot choose the stimulus. But I can choose my reaction. Why do we develop such bad habits in the first place?
I had a thought about when we see something, a consumer product, for example, or when we see someone else’s who possess a quality and “looks” a certain way to us that elicits in us a certain feeling, then what happens to many of us is that we then desire to obtain that feeling.
We are literally trying to buy a feeling.
But buying an inanimate object can never buy us a feeling. Feelings cannot be bought.
The best thing is to create our own feelings inside ourselves, not from outside with something external, fleeting, or purchased.
For me, the interesting thing is knowing that no number on the scale will give me the feeling I want. No size on a pair of jeans. Only I can create the feeling of health, the feeling of accomplishment, and the feeling of love because I am taking care of my body instead of hurting it, (when I do NOT treat my stomach like a garage can), by making a choice to feel the way I choose to feel, despite externals, not because of them.
I wish there was more progress to report. I wish I was starting to feel some real momentum now. However, this was a week where I went in the wrong direction. Yes, yes, I have valid reasons for why my week tilted off course, which could now be considered excuses. When is a reason just an excuse? Maybe when you keep doing it.
So, I had (past tense) some reasons why I did not exercise consistently last week and why I did not make an effort to eat healthy, but today (present tense) is a new day and it is time to turn things around, and exercise today and make healthy food choices.
So, this week I put in more effort than last week. I tracked my calories more often and went for a walk almost every day with my dog. I tracked my kilometers walked for the month of June and because of my recent efforts, I walked more in June than in May. Baby steps, but its progress.
I sometimes I forget to encourage myself, and give credit where credit is due. I’ve been tracking my walks with the RunKeeper app since 2012. One time I walked 255 kms in one month (2015). So, based on that, I find it hard to give myself kudos for just going 50 kms in June instead of 40 kms in May. But I should give myself kudos. Maybe I haven’t lost many pounds in weight, (but I’ve lost 3 pounds in 2 weeks, which according to the picture, is still something to feel good about), but the biggest accomplishment so far is I have re-established my routines after moving, which was a real disruption. When you go through a big life changing event, you need to give yourself time. But then you need to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and get going with whatever matters to you. 😊
Recently, I really unpacked what underpins my motivation to go on “yet another diet.” Whenever I have felt competitive towards anyone else who starts a diet, it is because I realize that I have equated losing weight with being worthy of being loved. And if someone else loses weight and I don’t, they are going to get the love and I won’t.
I really realize that I have connected losing weight with being loved and being worthy. This is probably because I went on my first diet at an early age thinking that I was seeking approval through losing weight, and never really doing very well at it. I mean, of all the things I do, losing weight is something I don’t do very well. I manage to lose, I do it, but I don’t do it well, because maintaining weight loss is so difficult and I regain. I have been yo-yo dieting since that first diet when I was 12 years old. Therefore regain, for me, is particularly damaging to my self esteem because I have created this connection between losing weight and being worthy of love and approval. Gaining weight, for me, is the opposite of being worthy, the opposite of being approved or accepted, and it devastates me even when my logical brain is telling me one has nothing to do with the other.
I have equated losing weight with being worthy of being loved and with gaining others’ approval, and I’ll admit I have been a validation approval seeking person. I seek the validation and approval of others because I haven’t validated and approved myself very well, and I need to work on that. There are a number of events coming up which are occasions where these issues come up for me. And usually losing a couple pounds before an occasion like that is way better than gaining pounds before these occasions. But once again, I have tied the two together, and that is a problem.
It is really easy to gain weight. Too easy. Our current food environment, (processed food, fast food), has made it easy to make certain choices, and those choices that can be as simple as one nice restaurant meal, (the large portions, all that sodium), that result in quick and easy weight gain. And I’ve reached an age where it is easy to gain weight. Especially if I don’t exercise. When I gain weight I feel these intense devastating feelings, which just leads to more bad choices to soothe.
String a few weeks of bad choices together, and I can easily gain ten pounds. Three months to lose them, and only three weeks to gain them back.
Yes, weight loss is not easy. Keeping it off long term even harder. Regular exercise is very important for me because a certain level of fitness allows me to enjoy the things I want to do, like walk my dog, play with my grandchild, walk around a museum or outdoor venue for three hours without being in pain. But I cannot outrun my fork. And now that I have unpacked this connection I have between losing weight and being worthy of love and approval, and I have to convince myself I am worthy now. Yes, a bit flawed, but worthy, nonetheless.
The most important step I took this week was to move a little more. I tracked calories for a few days but wasn’t perfect. I still struggled, but just the fact that I was paying attention was a good start.
Because we recently moved, I don’t even have a mirror hung in the house yet!
A friend just posted on Facebook about doing a 12-week summer health challenge, and this is what I replied:
I’m with you!! I spent about 7 weeks living in an RV before getting into our new home, (March 28 to May 17), so my healthy routines became non-existent. And then when we moved in 4 weeks ago, there was unpacking to do before I had a working kitchen, etc., so it was easy to let convenience eating of too much crap become a new habit. This is exactly what I need to get back into a new routine where I prioritize health and start eating better along with regular exercise. I do so much better when I have a plan, and daily and weekly exercise goals to hit.
I was reading a debate about what is really going on with “us” as a society, in terms of our weight and health, and the one thing on which the debaters could agree was that we are, indeed, still on average getting heavier, in the nearly 20 years since these numbers were published:
“Far more people in the past, say pre-1980, seemed to be able to deal with these phenomena and avoid obesity. ‘The average weight for men rose “dramatically,” in the CDC’s words, from 166.3 pounds in 1960 to 191 pounds in 2002. Women went from 140.2 pounds in 1960 to 164.3 pounds in 2002.’”
So, what about now in 2021?
One person said, “The existence of exceptional willpower is a mark of exceptional self-discipline, a level not practical to achieve for most.”
Another person said, “People don’t avoid obesity by exceptional willpower. They just have healthy eating habits, usually ones formed during childhood.”
But then something that really resonated with me was, “My non-scientific observation is that the normalization of consumption of huge portions of calorie-dense ‘foods’ is directly correlated with increases in obesity.”
Having just read about the Asch Conformity Experiments here, my non-scientific conclusion is yes, if something is normalized in society, according to the experiment, “75% of participants gave at least one incorrect answer out of the 12 critical trials.” We like to conform.
But “Only 5 percent of participants were always swayed by the crowd.”
That means there exists the ability, in 95% of us, to resist what has been normalized, and take a tough look at our health. And if our health is being affected by food choices that have been “going with the flow,” for example, the increase in prepared foods via meal delivery during the pandemic, where calories and portions are determined by someone other than ourselves, then we maybe we have to make some tough choices. We have to start trying harder.
The whole reason I came across this information today was because on a bit of a whim, I googled my current weight, (164.3 pounds), and this information came up, because my weight today was the average weight of women (according to the CDC) in the year 2002.
I am by no means perfect, and I am going to keep trying to get to a weight that is healthiest for me.
1. You’ve gained a few pounds and haven’t been able to lose them again (+/- 5 pounds)
This is one of the first danger signs. Most ‘dieters’ finally hit their “goal weight,” which is usually an exact number on the scale, and then they will realize maintenance involves daily fluctuations around that number. So then the newly christened ‘maintainer’ creates a “goal weight range” on the scale that they define to themselves that will still mean each day they are at “goal.”
The first sign that you are headed down the path to regain is that you first hit the upper range of your goal weight range, and then finally go over it. Sometimes it’s popcorn at the movies, or a big special dinner, or sometimes it’s difficult to avoid extra treat seasons like Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, or Easter. Maybe the maintainer cuts the extras for a few days and loses the extra pounds. They breathe a sigh of relief and think disaster has been averted.
The problem really lies in averting that disaster once, or even a few times. When the world does NOT end and all their new favorite smaller size clothes still fit, it gets easier to keep allowing the numbers on the scale to go over the “goal weight range.”
Eventually, however, the numbers may go over and it’s not so easy to get them to come back down. Then you are in danger of staying at a higher number and thus having no leeway at all for the next slip.
2. You compromise and reset your goal weight range higher (+/- 10 pounds from original goal)
This is the second danger sign that you are headed down the path to regaining the weight you worked so hard to lose. You have fluctuated so often out of your goal weight range that you rationalize to yourself that you are happy being at that slightly higher number.
You tell yourself stuff like maybe you weren’t meant to be that thin. Maybe you were trying to keep your body at too low a weight to successfully maintain it for life, and that’s why you can’t get back to that weight. You tell yourself no, it’s not because of the extra snacking, no, it couldn’t be the snacking. And people have been calling you “skinny,” for crying out loud. You want to be healthy, not “skinny.” You reset your goal weight range to include the new weight you’ve found yourself stuck at, and you convince yourself that you are trying to preserve your positive outlook lest you get depressed about the numbers on the scale and start binging over your depression.
3. You start binging because you do not really believe the lies you’ve been telling yourself (+/- 15 pounds more than original goal)
If you have reset your goal weight range higher, some of your ‘skinny’ clothes are probably a little tight. As many times as you tell yourself everything is all okay in one or two above, your tighter skinny jeans tell you another story. Your body remembers when they were just a little bit looser, and let’s face it, you long to be back there. You’ve reset your goal weight range, but you still remember those heady days at “goal” and how it felt. Even if it’s just a few pounds, part of you ‘feels’ fatter not at that number, especially if some of your clothes are tighter.
On a particularly difficult day, your boss criticizes you, your friend says something snide (because let’s face it, she may just be dealing with her own life crap and didn’t filter well), and you just don’t have the mental resources anymore to keep saying no to the calorie dense foods your family indulges in occasionally. You forget all the months of self denial, and you eat too much. The next morning, you can’t zip up your skinny jeans, and you are in full fledged panic mode. You aren’t just worried about regaining weight someday, that day is here.
You do the math, you are now 15 pounds more than the lowest weight you saw on the scale, and you have no idea who the heck you are to have let this happen.
And there you have it. You may immediately go into diet mode, but the emotional damage is hard to overcome.
I’ve been there.
1. Forgive yourself.
I’m pretty sure I’ve been there 10 times or so in my adult life. The exact numbers on the scale change, but the pattern is the same. Forgive yourself the screw up and move on. Learn the pattern so you can do better next time.
2. Stop snacking and get the weight back off. Now.
Stop giving yourself permission to ‘slip.’ Remember your dedication getting the weight off before, and go back to that. Period. You are a “weight reduced individual” and always will be. You’ve probably over eaten for the very last time in your life, and you have to stop comparing yourself to what others eat. You will NEVER be able to overeat and not suffer ill effects. Think of it as a chronic condition. And don’t feel sorry for yourself. I will take the chronic condition of “weight reduced individual” over “diabetic” any day. And heck, it is also better than “obese.”
3. Rethink your clothes
Yes, you can have clothes that fit you like a glove, but also have a few things in your wardrobe to alternate to. When you are at war with your emotions about your weight, the last thing you need is not feel good about how you look. Even ‘skinny’ people have days they feel ‘fat’ from water retention. Make sure your wardrobe includes looser clothes you love that you feel skinny in even if the scale is up a bit. Feeling ‘skinny’ is the first step to making the choices in your food plan to get you there, or back there. Wear only those ‘skinny’ clothes until you get back to where you need to be on the scale. Once there, celebrate with the skinny jeans. Do NOT wear tight clothes and think that will be a deterrent. The only thing it will deter is your self esteem.
Last summer I started new habits, the main one being planning what I would eat ahead of time, (healthy meals, as defined by me and my body), and then just stick to the plan.
Because I stuck to the plan, I didn’t have to make spur of the moment decisions about food. Once I had done this long enough, my brain stopped hounding me to make choices about food, because there were no choices to make. There was just: eat what I planned, and that’s it. Simple. It’s called automaticity, and it kicked in about 3 months after I started the habits. Automaticity: The ability to do things without occupying the mind with the low-level details required. It is outlined in the book, Bright Line Eating, and although I have a few modifications, (for example, I use Stevia sweetener, and when it comes to quantities, I plan, but don’t use a food scale, and as a grain free Celiac, the no flour rule was easy for me), it really quieted all the food thoughts I’d been plagued with my whole life. All the “should I, shouldn’t I, will I, won’t I” were just gone. When I stopped thinking so much about food, my brain stopped offering me thoughts about food.
One draw back is the requirement that you go long enough sticking to your plan to get that automaticity to kick in, which will make food choices so easy, because there are no choices, only planning ahead. For me, it took almost 3 months. I was highly motivated at the time, with lots of upheaval in my life, the loss of a beloved pet and the plan to get a new puppy. So, at the time I wanted something with which I could count on and anchor myself. My newly adopted food planning was it. And when automaticity finally kicked in, suddenly it felt easy. Yes, I was dieting and it was easy!
9 months later and 30 pounds less I feel calmer about food. Sure, I get the odd thought about indulging in a treat, but part of my brain knows and says to me, “But you don’t make those choices anymore, so I doubt you’re going to now.” My brain is finally working for me, instead of what felt like against me. So, it is pretty easy to just dismiss the thought about eating something I didn’t plan and move on. I also have to the freedom to plan to eat whatever I want, whenever I want. I just don’t make sudden exceptions, or else my brain, (as it has in the past), will ask if I want to make an exception the next time a similar situation arises. No exceptions, just eat what I planned, means my brain no longer hounds me.
Since then, the only other draw back I have faced is that when it is suddenly suggested we go to a restaurant, (although due to Covid-19, that hasn’t happened since March), I haven’t adapted well. But there is a solution to that. I just need to have a standing plan ahead of time for what I eat in restaurants, no choices to make. So that when a last minute opportunity to eat out comes up, I have the plan I decided on ahead of time to fall back on. No exceptions. If I keep it simple like that, I prevent my brain from waking up to thoughts of all the choices about food to make. That wouldn’t be a problem for some people, but once I wake my brain up to offering me lots of choices, it takes a while to quiet it back down again. Eating in a healthy way that has stabilized my weight is only easy when my brain is quiet about food.
On the Left = Jan.24, 2020, 149.6. On the Right = Jan.25, 2016, 137.6.
Lucky me, I finally got back to down to 149.6 pounds, which is exactly 30 pounds less than the 179.6 pounds I saw briefly on July 23, 2019.
So, that’s 6 months later, 30 pounds less.
Earlier in the week, I decided to let go of my goal weight of 142 pounds because if I’m always thinking about being 142 in the future, I’m not enjoying the present. And that’s been a pitfall for me in the past. My body plateaued at around 150 pounds for the last six weeks, ever since I hit 149.4 on December 13, and I saw a 4 on the scale for the first time since getting back from Hawaii in 2017. But then, you know, Christmas dinner, and a couple of days where I just made exceptions and ate extra food at home, and then we went to Red Robin two weeks ago unexpectedly, where I had burger and fries. It was a healthy lettuce wrapped burger with guacamole sauce, and yam fries, so yeah. lots and lots of “healthy” calories. Because of all that, I have stayed in the same weight range for quite a while now. So, I kinda declared earlier this week, I have plateaued, but I’m going to enjoy every single minute of being 150 pounds, instead being 170, which is where I was for almost 2.5 years before bouncing up close to 180 back in July.
It’s been two and a half years of mostly bouncing around 170 pounds. So, I’m going to love every minute of who I am today, and from now on be in the moment, and stop hoping for this future me at 142, where I’m finally love myself more. Instead, I will love myself right now at 150 pounds.
The Bio Joy Diet 