I have been giving a lot of thought to identity, and how believing certain things about myself contributes to who I think I truly am as a person.  Of course, the goal is to write this new story for myself, a new identity.  One where I believe my weight will remain stable because I do not overeat anymore.  It’s not my identity anymore.  I am not someone who overeats.  That problem is in my past, because it is a past version of myself.  This is the new me.

This is not just wishful thinking.  It has been long enough now that my new identity is my reality. 

And it was never more true than last night.

I stressed myself out leaving assignments too close to the due date, too many times, while finishing my bachelor’s degree.  I did my degree as an adult learner, completing it part-time while working full-time.  So, when I did my master’s degree, also part-time while working full-time, I made sure I NEVER left assignments to the last minute.

Recently, I got a gig freelance writing articles for the entertainment sphere.  I feel like I am in school again, I have assignments and due dates.  So, for the first three articles, I was fine.  There was a small amount of procrastinating on the third one, but I still had it mostly done a day before the due date.  The next morning, I finished it up and edited it.  I submitted it with plenty of time to spare.

But the fourth article…I do not know what happened.  For five days, I just could not make myself start it.  Right up until noon on the last day, (when it was due at midnight that day), I was watching TV, playing solitaire on my iPad, vacuuming, anything to avoid it.

Then I finally started it at about 12:30pm.

Ug!  I do not know what got into me!

And my back was killing me, because I wrote for five hours without taking a break, (I don’t even remember going to the bathroom).  My body needs me to get up and stretch every hour, when working at the computer like that!  And the phone kept ringing.  I had to answer it, and deal with whatever it was, as quickly as possible, and then get back to my writing.  It felt just like the “old days” as a Bachelor of Arts student.  Trying to get an essay done while dealing with unexpected work tasks, the phone, a call-out, which—Murphy’s law—always seemed to increase exponentially when I had a school deadline also.

So, back to the connection with overeating.  If I allowed my identity to be that of someone who cannot resist X food, (as I have in the past), then I would have to give into temptation (for example, at Christmastime) to match that identity.

The same is true of the reverse situation.

When my identity is that I do NOT procrastinate assignments, breaking that promise to myself yesterday…well, all last night it felt just as if I had cheated on my diet and overeaten.

What a roller coaster of emotions I had last night!  I didn’t even really enjoy the dopamine rush of getting my writing assignment done, because I was so dismayed by my procrastination behavior. 

And that’s because that behavior is so contrary to my identity now.

The good news is that I really have changed.  My procrastination just reminded me of the old me.  But that is not who I am anymore, or I would not have been so upset. 

I woke up today knowing I will NOT procrastinate again, just like I will NOT overeat again.  I simply eat what I plan to eat, no more, no less.  And I enjoy every minute of it without any stress.  😊