Diet Obsession and Getting a Smart Scale

I know I do not have to justify my decisions about this, but it helps me to articulate outside my own head why I just ordered the Lepulse Smart Scale for myself (with a gift certificate I got for Christmas). This is not an ad for the scale, lol, this is just for me, to organize my own thoughts and set my intention.

But…Is it diet obsession?

Or is it:

Passion
Commitment
Enthusiasm
Devotion
Engagement
Discipline

What does it really take for me to maintain this 70 pound weight loss? For the rest of my life?

I suppose it is all of these things: Passion, Commitment, Enthusiasm, Devotion, Engagement, Discipline, and yes, some diet obsession too.

I would be lying to myself if it did not admit that yes, I spend time (a fair amount of time) every single day logging what I weigh on an app, logging what I eat for total calories on an app, looking at how many macros (and grams of protein) I had for the day based upon what I logged in the app, what my average protein grams were for the week, logging my daily walk on an app, (taking a walk just so I can log it), looking at how many kilometers I have totaled up for the month (or recently, for the year), checking once a month how much body fat percentage my scale estimates I have, (and compare it to the previous month’s reading), checking my waist and hip measurement about once a month too, and so on, and so on…

Am I obsessed? Or just committed? Do I need to continue to be this enthusiastic to keep prioritizing my health like this…for the rest of my life?

Honestly, I think yes, I do have to spend part of my day, every day, paying attention to all these things. In the past, if I did NOT spend time paying attention to making my overall health a daily priority in this way, I did NOT maintain my weight, nor the level of fitness I had previously accomplished. I don’t just mean a previous weight loss. There was a time (2004-2005) when I belong to a gym, Workout Express, and I went there after work 3 or 4 times a week for a 30-minute circuit workout. I even did the 1-hour workouts a few times. And then I just stopped going. There was a time (2017-2021) when I worked out with a friend (treadmill and elliptical) at the gym in her building. And then we stopped doing it, even before we both moved to different places in 2022.

And there was a time I stop tracking my walks on Runkeeper (in the first 4 months of 2013), and then it didn’t seem to matter if I took a walk or not. But it did matter, so I started tracking my walks again. Sometimes knowing I am going to track a walk, wanting to track it, is the ONLY thing that gets me out the door in the rain, for example. I find tracking highly motivating, simple as that.

Recently, I was very disturbed by my eating on Christmas Day. It was a true return to my old behavior. I know part of that eating was prompted by feeling terrible (physically), and thinking I could maybe find something to eat that would soothe how my stomach felt. First, I went to liquids, ginger ale, my favorite teas. Then I went to solid food, to soak up the liquid. However I was justifying it to myself at the time, I ended up over-consuming on a large scale, something I had not done in a very long time. I flirted with that behavior in October, over-consuming and indulging in “what’s the point in trying to be healthy” thoughts during Canadian Thanksgiving long weekend. But I was able to quickly stop that thinking, and stop that overeating. I still felt depressed, but thankfully, I stopped wanting to overeat. (I didn’t even really want to eat at all, I felt so down. But I blogged through it, and started to feel better).

But this last week since Christmas, boy, I cannot stop thinking about food. Excess food, sweets, and lots of it. The comfort of stuffing myself with food that day was intoxicating…it created physical discomfort, which somehow eased, or rather distracted, from emotional discomfort.

I think I need to pull out the big guns to get myself through this. So I ordered the Smart Scale.

Pulling out the big guns=diet obsession. But I find tracking so motivating, and a smart scale will give me new metrics to track. New metrics to obsess over? Maybe. But avoiding the obsession does not cure me of it either. I need to manage it, not hide from it. And if it keeps me going on a healthier path, instead of back to lack of regular activity (because it’s raining/snowing) and weight gain? Then I am choosing obsession.

Far be it from me to tell anyone else how they need to lose weight or maintain weight that has been lost. All I know is for me, counting things, tracking things, seeing small incremental improvements even (more kilometers walked this month than last, or a faster pace, etc.) is motivating. Even when the numbers do not improve, knowing the numbers helps me try again the next month, and to keep trying. Bone mass, muscle mass, protein grams, that is what I want to track, even more than a once a year Dexa scan.

Some people may be able to accomplish their goal intuitively, without tracking a thing. That is great. But I know I want to count and track, and I don’t resent having to it daily. Some people reach a point where they think there is just no way they can keep tracking (whatever it is they are tracking) for the rest of their lives?!? Whereas for me, I am happy to think I can have my whole life sorted, organized, counted, and tracked, every single day, and sure, for the rest of my life, why not.

Even knowing my new scale is supposed to be delivered this afternoon encourages me to get all my winter gear on (which is actually a lot of gear these days) and go for a walk. And to stick only to the food that I plan to eat today, (instead of overeating unplanned leftover sweets), while prioritizing protein.

Whatever it takes to get me out the door each day for cardiovascular exercise, or gets me to do my yoga routine a few times per week, well, it’s worth it. If this scale influences me, I have decided that it will do so in a way that I will use as a super power. I am going to be passionate, committed, enthusiastic, devoted, engaged, and disciplined, and this scale is going to help me track it all.

Great Advice for a New Chapter

I cannot avoid my old story. I need to embrace all of my story, because my story is what makes me who I am, and who I can be, so that I can move forward and write my next new chapter.

1.Consistency over intensity. Consistent action. The long term will beat short bursts, any day.

2.Structure over willpower. If it relies on willpower, it won’t last. Sticking to a plan (structure) means the decision is already made for me, regardless of how I feel at any given moment.

3.Honesty over performance. I know my truth. I show up for myself, not for anyone else.

4.Depth over metrics (numbers). If I am showing up every day, doing my best, then any metrics I track are just proof I am giving it my deepest intent, regardless of any numbers. If I am giving it my best, then any daily metrics I track are still better than they would be if I was just sitting on the couch every day.

Uninfluenced

In my last 2 blog posts of 2025 here and here, I mentioned not being influenced by unknown and uncontrollable things, and not to be influenced without instead taking the time to gather myself an adequate amount of information that will make me feel empowered in my decision making.

That is my word for this year: uninfluenced. To be uninfluenced is to be deliberate. Influence can come over you without you realizing it, or thinking about it. You just go along with something, without much thinking at all. I want to be uninfluenced, so that when I decide and choose something, it is NOT because I am merely going with the flow. I will seek out and independently research topics of my interest, and if I choose to then be positively influenced by what I discover, I do so with my eyes wide open, and with my own autonomy.

I have started this year, January 1, 2026, weighing exactly 4 pounds more than January 1, 2025, 1 year ago today.

And that is over 20 pounds less than January 1, 2024, just 2 years ago when I declared for the first time, “I am in maintenance!”, and meant it.

When I started to maintain my weight 2 years ago, I did not deliberately set out to lose 20 more pounds. Yes, I was vigilant with tracking my food in my LoseIt app, wanting to maintain and preserve my new healthy weight. But the extra 20 pounds lost happened somewhat organically. I did start eating more as I began maintenance, but I was also incrementally increasing my regular walking. I didn’t make any sudden large changes with my eating, but I was no longer actively seeking a calorie deficit. I just kept planning what I eat, (a little bit more than before), and eating what I planned. The scale kept creeping down.

After about 10 months into 2024, my weight stabilized at about 120 pounds, and it finally just stayed there. Then throughout 2025, it was not difficult to stay at or around 120 pounds. My body seems very comfortable here. Even with the probably half a dozen times in 2025 that I did not eat what I planned, and instead ate more, I did NOT have to restrict food to get the scale to come back down. All I did was return to eating what I planned, (maybe one less piece of cheese per day, me and cheese have a long history, lol), but for the most part, nothing dramatic. About week later I was always back to what was and appears to be my new “normal.” This tells me that for now, (maybe not always, but for now), my current weight is sustainable.

I know I am currently at what is considered a low BMI, (although still healthy for my height, and yes, I know, the BMI has flaws). And I know I need to be okay if my weight eventually climbs up and stabilizes at a slightly higher amount. In fact, I may be seeing a little of that happening already, because I did start HRT on December 15. It’s hard to say, because I also did overeat the night of December 21, followed by significant overconsumption of unplanned food on December 25, after which I saw a very large increase on the scale that has not yet entirely disappeared. And maybe it won’t. I do not feel the need to create a calorie deficit to try and lose those 3 or 4 pounds. I just do NOT want to slide into any old habits! I want to continue to simply plan what I eat, and eat what I plan, (with lots of protein).

I definitely want (yes, want) my weight to climb IF I am gaining muscle, (or maybe, please Lord, bone mass)! I am working on tracking my daily calories to include prioritizing daily protein amounts, combined with muscle building, mostly through targeted body movement exercises. I have my repeat Dexa scan already booked for June 12, 2026, which will be my next benchmark to see where I have got to in terms of my body composition, hopefully for the better.

Osteoporosis and hEDS: A Public Service Announcement

So, I mentioned in yesterday’s post that I would write about my new plan of action. It’s fairly specific to me, because at 54-years of age, my lumbar spine has been diagnosed with a t-score of -3.3, which is already half way through the osteoporosis scale heading for really severe (-4.0), whereas my hips are only osteopenic, (-2.1), but inching fairly close to osteoporosis themselves. This difference is common in connective-tissue–related bone fragility. So, maybe none of this would really apply to a fifty-something-year old woman who did NOT have hEDS. And even then, not everyone with hEDS will get dealt this osteoporosis card, (or the heart mitral valve card either, for that matter).

I used Chat GTP as a sounding board for the things I am about to talk about in this blog. To be clear, Chat GTP did not diagnose me. I was diagnosed by a doctor, by an echocardiogram done at a hospital, by a bone density scan done at a radiology clinic, and even by a Dexa scan, which even though is not considered medically diagnostic according to my doctor, did show questionable findings that got the ball rolling for me. (Best $249 I ever spent on that Dexa! The rest is covered by my medical insurance).

Anyhow, Chat GTP has real information at its disposal on my real diagnosed medical conditions, so it was a great place to have an evidence-based and knowledgeable chit chat. This is not medical advice, it’s just my experience and decisions based on information I have gathered.

When it comes to the different t-scores between my spine and my in my hips, the bone densitometry I had done on October 3, 2025, also looked at the neck of the hip versus the total hip, where again there was a slight difference for me:

“In your case:

• The total hip is lower than the neck

• This suggests relatively greater compromise of cortical bone than trabecular bone at the hip

This pattern is actually very consistent with connective-tissue–related bone fragility, where:

• Collagen defects affect bone matrix quality

• Cortical bone can become thinner and less resilient

• BMD may underestimate true fracture risk.”

Hmmm. Good to know.

Here’s the interesting part, if my osteoporosis was just because I started menopause about 2.5 years ago, then firstly, my t-score should not be this bad already! It’s only been 2.5 years! So we can feel confident my osteoporosis is connective-tissue related. And:

“Contrast this with:

• Postmenopausal estrogen deficiency, which often hits trabecular bone first (neck worse than total).”

Okay. It is my total hip that is worse, not the neck, (and it’s my spine that is really bad for my age). None of this would make any sense, really… except in terms of my having hEDS.

Because I have hEDS, I am very hesitant to take any bisphosphonates (like Fosomax) because of my digestion issues related to having hEDS. “GI intolerance risk is meaningfully higher in your case.”

And besides, for me specifically:

“Potential limitations of Fosamax for you

• It does not address collagen or bone quality

• It can over-suppress remodeling, which:

• May be problematic when baseline bone quality is abnormal

• Is a concern raised specifically in some hEDS populations

• Spine BMD gains tend to plateau quickly

• Fracture risk reduction in younger postmenopausal women with non-classic osteoporosis is less robust than in older populations.”

Yeah. Many women with these same t-scores that I have, are actually much older than me. I have strong legs and good balance, (and I can work on increasing my core strength also), so I am not really at risk of falling in the same way a woman coming up on 80-years old would be, (although if I did fall, I could break more easily, yes, that is true). Fracture risk is a huge concern for older women, especially in their seventies and eighties. All it takes is that one fall, leading to a fracture, and they can lose their independence. Woman in their seventies and eighties that find themselves with significant osteoporosis need to pull out the big guns to get the best return on their fall prevention investment.

I need to invest in fall prevention too, but, in theory, I should have many decades of life ahead of me, so it would probably not be good to be taking harsh medication for the next 30+ years!?!

Anyhow, even though my bone loss is not directly caused by menopause, that certainly has not helped things.

“But here’s the key distinction in your case

Postmenopausal osteoporosis:

• Primary problem = estrogen deficiency

• Estrogen replacement can be foundational therapy

Connective-tissue–related osteoporosis (suspected hEDS pattern):

• Primary problem = bone matrix / collagen quality

• Estrogen deficiency is secondary or additive

• Estrogen cannot correct defective bone scaffolding

So in your situation:

• Estrogen may help reduce the speed of loss

• It may slightly improve spine BMD

• But it cannot reverse the underlying fragility

This is why your hips are osteopenic, not osteoporotic — estrogen deficiency alone does not explain your pattern.”

So, estrogen may help a bit, so that is what my doctor and I have decided to do, good old Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT). Sure, there is a slight increased risk of breast cancer, but leaving my osteoporosis unchecked has risks also. Everyone must make their own informed decision in this regard, weighing benefits versus risks. (And for me personally, I am also taking micronized progesterone, because I still have my uterus, so a balance of both hormones on HRT is protective for that).

And for people with osteoporosis primarily because of menopause, if their doctor recommends it, I thought this was interesting:

“For lumbar spine osteoporosis, the timing of estrogen therapy is critical, with the greatest benefits occurring when treatment is initiated in the “window of opportunity” which is in the early postmenopausal years (typically within 10 years of menopause onset or before age 60).

Key Timing Effects

Early Initiation (Critical Window): Starting estrogen soon after menopause is most effective for preventing rapid bone loss. The first 5 to 7 years after menopause are when the most significant bone loss occurs in women due to estrogen deficiency. Initiating therapy during this period helps stabilize bone mineral density (BMD) in the lumbar spine and effectively reduces the risk of future fractures.”

I am only be 2.5 years into menopause. So, I now begin HRT as part of how I am starting to work on this problem for myself, based on my own personal “issues with my tissues,” that have been most probably been the main cause for me of this significant osteoporosis problem in the first place. And it looks like I am still within this good window of opportunity to be starting HRT.

That is it in a nutshell. I hope everyone has a wonderful New Year’s. Even with health concerns, being in the driver’s seat of my decisions, and putting those decisions into action, certainly feels better than instead simply allowing myself to be influenced, without taking the time to gather an adequate amount of empowering information on which I can make my own decisions.

Total Eclipse of the Heart

No, not the Bonnie Tyler song, my heart. I know I sound like a broken record, but that is because this blog is my validation and reinforcement tool. Every time my thoughts waiver about healthy activity (I don’t feel like walking, it’s cold and snowy and it’s the middle of winter!), or my thoughts waiver about healthy eating (that left over rum sauce for the plum pudding would taste awesome on some homemade ice cream right now!), I come here and blog instead. Thus, I end up repeating myself…a lot! But it is an effective tool for me, in turning my thoughts back to what is important. Sorry, not sorry.

Anyhow, because I am about to officially celebrate my 2 years of weight maintenance, I cannot help but think back 2 years ago to January 1, 2024. That was when I stopped dieting, and instead started maintaining my weight.

2 years ago, my biggest health concerns were simply to get done all the check-ups that I had not had for years. (All the ones that had been easy to put off because of Covid). And my other concern was to maintain the weight I had just lost, because I was back to a weight considered healthy by medical standards, and I wanted to stay there.

So, I went and had a cervical cancer screening (that I hadn’t had in about 5 years), all good. I arranged the colon cancer FIT test, all good. I booked the dentist, hadn’t been there in who knows how long, x-rays and deep cleaning, all good. Then I even made myself arrange breast cancer screening (that I should have started at age 50, and by then I was already 52).

Then 1 year ago, January 1, 2025, my biggest health concerns were…that stupid lump they found in my breast after my very first breast cancer screening! That’s a long story, but 2 ultrasounds, 1 biopsy (that missed the correct spot), and 3 follow ups scans later, it has actually gotten smaller, so, no worries, I am not losing any sleep over it. Oh, and a small inguinal hernia, (how the heck did that happen??). And I guess I was worried about my hands, these stupid white fingers I get (because they hurt, and make certain tasks more difficult).

Following along in the same pattern of proactively tackling health concerns, it was in June of 2025 and the issue with my hands that I was following up on with my doctor, (after the dexascan I decided to get simply to gauge my weight loss journey and maintenance moving forward, had surprisingly showed the lack of circulation in my hands), that started the ball rolling towards a complete surprise echocardiogram.

And it was right there and then that it felt as though everything I ever worried about in the past, health-wise, EVER, was thoroughly eclipsed by the results of my echo, the results of which I received on August 14, 2025. I never thought in a million years before that day that I had a heart problem.

So, I am here to say that my heart is actually doing quite well, all things considered. And I get to start the New Year knowing, (thanks to getting all those extra base-line tests ordered by a specialist), that my heart condition seems very stable. And I am actually above average in cardio fitness for my age, even if I did not have moderate mitral valve regurgitation, hurray for walking! That is amazing! I feel very comforted and relieved. I look forward to my repeat echo at the end of February to absolutely confirm for sure, (where they will again measure the back flow of blood from my left ventricle into the atrium caused by the torn leaflets of my mitral valve), that those measurements are stable, and are not progressing. A stable measurement will be a sign my heart is holding steady, and could hold steady where it is for a very long time. I really think there is a good chance that will be the outcome of the test. The first test was such a shock! This test should be much better, it really should. I didn’t realize how much I was worrying about every little twinge in my chest until I got these recent results saying my heart is actually doing remarkably well, despite the valve issue. I now feel very positive moving forward.

And my doctor and I caught the fact that I already have osteoporosis! Even though I was initially very depressed about the diagnosis, I now feel empowered to have a new plan of action, (that I never would have known to have, had I not started taking proactive steps with my health starting 2 years ago, and then continued on with them this year too). I will do a whole other blog post about my next steps in that department.

So, I go into this New Year with far less worry about my heart eclipsing everything else in my life! I am left, not with new worries, but with new focuses. I will not allow my days to be influenced by unknown and uncontrollable things. Instead, I will focus on continuing to put my health first. (Oh, and I have a second inguinal hernia that I can worry about instead, lol. Sigh. I definitely have “issues with my tissues” that I can blame on hEDS. I need to be more careful).

3 Days to Go

We have reached the last 3 days of the year 2025. Although I am committed to working on my health daily, because it is my job, (I am dedicated to honoring my commitment to it as I would to any other job), that does not mean I am perfect.

Progress not perfection.

1)I went off my plan on Sunday, December 21.

On short notice, my husband and I took a short trip to visit our grandson. Even though he lives within a decent driving distance (only 2 hours away), to have a really good visit which involves playing with him and driving there and back, is a really long day for us “old folks.” (Of course, we are lucky enough to be grandparents only in our fifties, but we still get tired trying to pull off a day like that). We planned the visit to include a trip to the fancy community swimming pool with a wave pool, lazy river, and water slides, then off to a kid’s movie, and time for playing legos before bed. So, instead of trying to do all that with a big drive there and back, we instead booked a hotel for 2 nights with our Airmiles points, packed up our dog and cat, (which was a lot of packing, even just for the 2 days), and headed out Monday morning.

We had never been in a hotel with our dog and cat before, (because we have only travelled with them in our travel trailer), and we had certainly never left our cat alone for hours on end in a hotel room while we went swimming.

So, that Sunday night, the night before we left, I started to worry and ruminate about all the things I had to remember to pack in the morning. And would our cat be okay if we left her alone in the room when we went to the swimming pool. And would we be good responsible grandparents to a 7 year old for a whole day, would he be happy and have fun, etc.

I worried. And snacked. And ruminated. And snacked some more.

But then Monday morning, I went right back to planning what I eat, and eating what I planned (including some special deli treats I worked into my plan) for Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. Eating disaster/Christmas fail averted.

2)But then Christmas Day, December 25, came along.

I don’t think the deli meat agreed with me. Driving home on the 24th, more than 2 hours in the truck, (factoring in stops for fuel, bathroom break, etc.), I could feel my food just sitting there in my stomach like a ton of bricks. I woke up the next morning bloated and uncomfortable. Ginger ale did not help. Tea did not help. So, I started snacking, and then snacked some more. Then I decided I might as well eat a lot of all the things I had been resisting during the entire holiday season! I even threw in a few chocolates (that I didn’t even really like) just for good measure. Definitely none of that eating was planned. I suppose I thought if I put enough new food in, it would push the old food out. I ended up passing out in bed for almost 3 hours between 4:00pm and 7:00pm, and missed Christmas dinner over at my sister’s.

But it worked, (sort of). I woke up Boxing Day, and successfully moved—things that needed to be moved—and felt quite a bit better. We had our own small turkey dinner at home on Boxing Day, I ate carefully, and on the 27th I definitely felt almost back to normal.

But I saw a significant increase on the bathroom scale Boxing Day. Ouch.

What I did NOT do was throw in the towel, with the typical “dieter” mentality that I have had in the past. The one where I think that I might as well keep eating all the things I was previously resisting, thanks to the punishing reading on the scale, which are just all the “extras,” the high calorie desserts and treats. I am not talking here about the tasty healthy main meal foods that I normally eat. It’s pretty much only high calorie extras and desserts that cause me to gain weight. Avoid those, and I get to stay the same weight while still loving the food I do eat. Go “off my plan” and the weight jumps on. Fast.

The moral of the story is getting right back on track after both those days of going off plan has been really important for me. Weight maintenance means no one more “1 tire is flat, might as well flatten the other 3 tires” mentality. One day, even two different days is not the end of my discipline and consistency (even though it feels that way). It is just a brief moment in time that can be forgiven and corrected.

I know it’s a slippery slope. Certain old behaviors are always waiting to take a hold again. But only if I let them. If I am determined to not to let them, those behaviors will go back into the closet where I left them more than 2 years ago.

It also helped for me to remember that on January 1, 2026, I am going to be able to celebrate 2 years of actual weight maintenance, for the first time in my life!

The scale is slowly coming back down (isn’t it funny how it takes 24 hours to rise up, and probably 5 to 7 days to come back down??). 3 more days to go until the new year. I have made a plan and I am going to stick to it.

My Health is My Job: No More Complaining About It

Okay New Year, bring it on. (And all the snow is gone, so I can walk in runners again. At least for now).

I am not going to complain one more day about this, that, and the other, (even if I am still waiting to read one last test result, ug! But it’s just for my file—my baseline to compare to—so I need to just get. over. it).

My health is my job.

Nothing else matters if my body refuses to cooperate.

I need to do simple things. Move. Walk. Stretch.

Guard my sleep.

Eat clean. Reduce the poison disguised as sugar and salt.

“Illness doesn’t discriminate,

but it respects those who take responsibility for themselves.

Aging is not an excuse to become helpless.

Some people turn aging into a performance of complaints. (Okay, I have been doing this, my bad).

Strength is attractive.

Resilience is magnetic.

People respect the ones who stay capable, not the ones who surrender.”

Two Weeks Until Year’s End

But sometimes it is yours to carry.

When I look back on the whole year and all the changes it brought for me personally and physically, it seems big and like such a huge amount to carry. Frankly, it feels like it was too much.

I started the year with cold hands and white fingers.

I am ending the year with cold hands and white fingers, persistent numbness in my right foot (so far only the right), hEDS which explains my chronic slow digestion and resulting gut problems, a new inguinal hernia (I now have bilateral inguinal hernias), osteoporosis in my spine (but only osteopenia in my hips), and a torn bi-leaflet mitral heart valve resulting in moderate regurgitation.

I never should have written all that out!! Because every year will feel like a dumpster fire if we only look at all the bad stuff all at once as a whole. A whole of anything is big. Too big. That is why all the new year’s advice usually includes looking at things one piece at a time, one day at a time. I read a good saying the other day, something about change is made in a 1000 tiny steps. Nothing about life has to be lumped all at once into one single daredevil jump across the Grand Canyon! Yikes!

I can make a list of all the good stuff too, just by looking back at the photos I took this year. There was a lot of great stuff that happened this year, trips to see family and memories made, etc. They are all past events and things I can look back on and remember with happiness. All the other medical crap that happened this year, (despite at least getting answers to questions I’ve had for years—which is the good part), sadly, I get to carry them all into the new year with ongoing concern…

I wish I could just leave it all behind in the rear view mirror as the past is the past, but our bodies don’t work that way. We carry our physical burdens into the new year. We can’t leave them behind.

That was one of the biggest realizations I had this year, as a life-long dieter. All the health diagnoses I received this year are not something I can get rid of with the right diet and application of discipline and consistency. Or with new coping skills and routines so that I could simply “lose” the physical burden of excess weight that my body is carrying, and be lighter and the more healthy for the changes I make, (and all that is real and valid, and almost as serious as any other heath diagnosis, and I must not forget that). But most physical burdens are different than mental burdens that can be eased somewhat with better thinking, mental reframing and coping skills, etc. So, all I can do to lighten the physical burdens I carry, is by maintaining the physical fitness I have (thank goodness I worked hard in 2023 and 2024 to achieve that!), and focus on all the positives in my life, of which yes, there are many. I have family. And really, my body is amazing despite all the defects in the manufacturing!

I suppose writing out all the negatives in this blog post does already make me feel lighter. Listing them all just now felt heavy, at first…but now they are off my spirit and instead they sit here on this page. They are not me, I am not them. I am just a person dealing with stuff like so many other people. And some of my stuff is not really that bad, and could be stable for a long time, (I will know when I have follow-up testing at the end of February—ug, another medical appointment to wait for, and I hate waiting, lol).

Whatever you have to physically carry into the New Year, there is no point in wishing you did not have to carry it. And I am sorry for the things you carry that are unique to you. (And just because someone carries heavier things than you, does not mean yours are not heavy to you, just saying).

The only thing you can control is how you carry your own burdens, and we all have burdens to carry. Carry them with your head held high. Lighten what you can. Be undefeated, either way.

In a Long History of Dieting: My Worst Christmas Fail

On holidays, Drumheller, Alberta, June, 2013.

It was in 2013. I had lost 62.3 pounds in 2012, after I found out I had Celiac Disease and I went gluten-free. At first, I didn’t even try all that hard to lose weight, it just happened organically because I could no longer overeat my favorites, like bread, cookies, and crackers. (Back then the gluten-free alternatives didn’t taste very good). I just went without those items, and the pounds started coming off. And I got my first iPhone and started tracking all my walks on the RunKeeper app. I found it very motivating to track, and still do.

Then in 2013, I struggled to maintain the loss, (gluten-free was getting trendy and popular, and the gluten-free alternatives were getting better tasting). Each month consisted of about two weeks of overeating, which brought my weight up, followed by two weeks of restricting, to bring it back down again.

I yo-yo’d all year long, and by December of 2013 I was exhausted with “white-knuckling” it. Following my typical pattern of overeating the last 2 weeks of November, I had been very restrictive the weeks leading up to that Christmas. And just before Christmas, I found myself only up 8 pounds from the very lowest my weight had been in all of 2012. So, despite the yo-yo’ing, I felt like only 8 pounds up meant I had pretty much “maintained” for a whole year. (Spoiler alert: yo-yo’ing up and down 10 pounds every single month is NOT maintaining, it’s a big red flag that you have a problem with how you eat, that you have NOT yet solved…)

On Christmas Eve, we were invited to an open house at a friend’s. All night, I resisted the egg nog and other gluten-free treats, (I had even made and brought gluten-free Rice Krispie squares myself, but did not eat any of them). I only ate carrots sticks and baby tomatoes off the veggie trays other people had brought.

Christmas morning I got up and weighed myself. The scale was up .2 of a pound.

Only .2 of a pound.

But I figured for all my restraint the previous evening, while everyone else indulged, I should have been “rewarded” with a loss. And I was some upset that I had instead been “punished” with a gain.

So, I did what many of us (dieters) have done, and I chucked it in the f#&*! it bucket, and started to eat all. the. things. (Gluten-free, of course).

By January 2, I had gained 12 pounds.

By July of 2014, I had gained back 40 pounds total, since my lowest in 2012.

Sigh.

Overeating treats, desserts, pick your poison, is a bad habit. It’s a habit I used to turn to when feeling emotional, or anxious, or frustrated.

The problem is, I truly have gotten tired of doctor’s appointments and tests, and then waiting for results. I currently feel emotional, anxious, and frustrated with the waiting.

Back in August, I felt abandoned by my doctor’s blasé attitude about my hEDS leading to moderate mitral valve regurgitation (I didn’t even get to start with mild—straight to moderate—I feel like I skipped a step!) and I asked to be referred to a specialist.

But then after the osteoporosis diagnosis (I didn’t even get to start with osteopenia—straight to osteoporosis—I feel like I skipped another step!) I just wanted to pull back and take a break from all things medical. I was struggling with feeling somewhat depressed, wanting to soothe with food, so please, no more appointments and tests=no more concerning news about my health. I had heard that the wait times for a specialist could be 10 months, so I was prepared to stop thinking about doctors and appointments, and instead just work on fitness in the new year, leading up to my Dexascan in 2026, that I wrote about here.

But then I got the call from the cardiologist, with the last minute opening, and all the tests started all over again. And now, I find myself on a weekend, with less than 2 weeks until Christmas, waiting for the results from the recent 24-hour heart monitor I wore. And I have one more (unexpected) appointment on Monday, AND I have one more (unexpected) blood test Thursday, and then I have to wait for the results of that blood test too.

The good news is it should be all done by Christmas.

The bad news is I want to eat all. the. things.

Sigh.

But, instead of eating, I came here and blogged instead. I don’t want to repeat the same mistakes I made in 2013.

Keep Walking!

“Yes, daily walking can help manage mitral regurgitation (MR) and potentially delay cardiomyopathy by strengthening your heart muscle, improving fitness, and managing symptoms, but it won’t fix the leaky valve itself; it helps your heart pump better overall.”

Nothing fancy. Just walking. Consistently.

What a huge impact my 127 week streak (about to be 128 weeks) of walking has been on my (what a surprise to me) heart valve issue! (And bonus, it is helping me maintain my weight loss—long term—for the first time in my history of dieting). 😊