Maybe it’s the weather change, but my motivation is low. And yet, I have moments in the day where I get a surge of positivity, and rush of hope, and I know that these moody days will pass. I will get through this mini-funk I am in.
How we say things matters. I know longer tell myself to lose weight to “look better.” Lose weight if you want, for whatever reason you want. But I tell myself to lose my bit of excess weight because it will mean I am making positive steps towards maintaining better health overall (the big picture). Healthy food choices and moving a bit more, (with the cold weather I have been moving less, not more), usually takes the numbers on the scale down, which would be really nice to do before Christmas. 😊
Okay, I’m not sure if I have wholly convinced myself just yet, but I am trying.
I didn’t really feel like blogging. And I suppose part of the reason for that is part of me doesn’t feel like “dieting.”
But its not really dieting that I am doing. I remember what it was like to be out of shape and in pain walking for too long. So, its not exactly dieting, its intentionally choosing foods that are good for me, (and then I end up feeling good, instead of sluggish or having a sugar hangover). And its intentionally moving my body more, to ensure I can do the things I want to do (like walk around a ghost town for 3 hours) when I want to do them.
Losing some weight will be a nice side effect of all that intention.
4 weeks to go, and then I am going to continue to do this, because I do not want to gain any weight over Christmas. For me, the key to accomplishing no weight gain over Christmas is to keep paying attention, and weekly blogging helps! I think I have formed some good habits, and I want to keep them.
Well, I didn’t hit 50 kms walked in the month of October, just 45 kms instead, but I also walked at other times that I didn’t track on my RunKeeper app.
The Ghost Town we went to on Sunday night at Three Valley Gap was amazing. And even though I am not doing that great, (if I only measure in terms of weight loss), I still appreciate that I move my body more than I used to, and I could walk around the ghost town (and up and down some narrow sets of stairs in old buildings here and there) without too much trouble. There was a time when I was a lot younger than now, when I was so out of shape that three hours of walking around would have been painful and exhausting.
Picture taken on Mount Revelstoke, October 8, 2022
Maybe I like my Calvin Klein jeans so much because they have spandex in them. Yeah, I said spandex!
The opposite of spandex is leather.
There is nothing more unforgiving with a little weight gain than leather. I actually turned down a few weekend motorcycle rides because I was afraid with the couple extra pounds I gained lately, (to add to the couple extra pounds I already had), were enough to make me uncomfortable on our motorcycle and in my leather motorcycle gear.
I am happy to report I was wrong, I still fit into the gear. Thank goodness, because I loved the rides we have now been taking in this beautiful fall weather. Luckily, tracking my progress with weekly blog posts for these 12 weeks, and for the 12 weeks before this, has been keeping me accountable, and I am holding steady enough that I could still fit the gear, even though I was afraid I wouldn’t. I haven’t lost a phenomenal amount of weight, but I am not gaining either. What a win! And I am still consistently walking more than I did back in August, heading towards beating September’s kilometers walk as well.
Here’s to not hiding from the world and missing out on activities because of our weight. Here’s instead to prioritizing health and fun activities, and good food and exercise decisions certainly help with that.
OMG, this is so true. The same number on the scale, but a totally different feeling. And this happens at goal weight too! And it will sabotage us if we let it.
My advice (to myself) is to seek out as much body positivity as possible until I start to “feel” better regardless of anything else, like these articles here and here. I can feel better if I just let myself.
It can also help me to put on a favorite outfit, one we all have in the closet that makes us feel good at any weight. And if you don’t have any outfits in your closet that make you feel good, then get down to the nearest value village or thrift store and find one! Who cares about the size, I feel great in Calvin Klein jeans even when they are size 14 instead of 10 or 8, (I don’t know why, I just do). Find what clothes work for you. And it will help with the mental game that is a part of putting you and your health first in your decisions about food and exercise.
I’ve said it before, I judge myself far more harshly than I would judge anyone else! Why is that? Why do I forgive everyone (including Thor) for gaining a little weight when life goes sideways, except I don’t forgive myself?
I am working on that. I did walk 40 kms in September, planning for 50 in October.
My mom gave me her typewriter and a typing book when I was about 12 years old, and ever since then I have loved putting my words-thoughts down on paper in the same typeface I saw every time I read a book. For me, typing is the only way to be a writer.
But this blog is about fighting to stay at a healthy weight and feel right-sized for what my definition of “right-sized” is, not about writing (or typing). And it is obviously not about good writing, hence ending the previous sentence with a preposition.
I am still making progress in the second part of this weight loss journey to my best health that I am on. I am not gaining excessively like I did when 10 pounds found its way onto my body in just a couple short weeks. I am holding steady, (I went down a bit, then back up a bit, to end up at pretty much the same place). And this month my goal is to once again hit 40 kms walked in September (like in May) which will certain be an improvement on last month’s 31 kms.
The super important part of this meme, in my opinion, is the “and I’m feeling good part.”
Yes, use the scale as a measure, but don’t let it mess with your head. I have let that silly scale (salty meal) derail my “feeling good” too many times to count, and I am not going to do it anymore. I am not going to throw the scale out the window, but I am going to be patient. I know that if I do exercise and eat healthy, smaller portions, I will lose weight eventually. As much as I would love to lose 24 pounds in 12 weeks, I would also be happy to not gain. And to lose even 10 pounds in the next 12 weeks (11 weeks now), would still be a huge win!
So, this week, I will not let the scale numbers derail me. They are just numbers.
“Self-love is not just about constantly giving yourself praise and telling yourself how awesome you are. It’s about loving the real you, the human you – the person who has feet of clay, who comes undone under criticism, who sometimes fails and disappoints others. It’s about making a commitment to yourself that you will stick by yourself – even if no one else does. That’s what I mean when I say you must love yourself as though your life depends on it, because quite simply, I know without a doubt that it does.”
— Anita Moorjani
This is it, no more excuse. I desire change and I am going to just do it. Move with purpose, choose the best foods for me that allow me to feel my best, versus foods that taste good but make me feel terrible later, (heart burn, sweaty at night while I try to sleep, cotton mouth, cravings for more in the morning, irregular in the bathroom). Sorry for the overshare on details, but this is the truth for me when I eat sugary processed foods, even those that are gluten free are still junk food using alternative grains (and all grains are now a problem for me, a fact which I have been ignoring). Ug, no more. I am starting a new 12 weeks soon, so here I go.
I have to apologize for calling him “Fat Thor,” that sounds like an insult, but I do not mean it to be. Simply, it is just a descriptor for the character played in Avengers: End Game.
After the events of Avengers: Infinity War, End Game picks up the story of Thor five years later. After all he has lost, (and of the many characters in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, he has arguably lost the most, not only family and friends, but most of all his people, his whole planet, his whole purpose, and that whole thing where he should have gone for the head), he is depressed and self medicating with junk food, beer, video games, and well, he’s gotten fat.
And there is nothing wrong with that. No shame here, it just is. Life gets in the way of healthy choices if we let it, at times. We get fat, we get thin, we get somewhere in between.
But Thor’s friends need his help, despite his recent slide into the pit. And even though they accept him for who he is now, and they understand he is struggling, they also then challenge him to do better. Later in the movie, he goes back in time and has a brief exchange with his mother. She sees the state he is in, recognizes he is from the future which has not been kind to him, and she says:
“Everyone fails at who they’re supposed to be. The measure of a person, of a hero, is how well they succeed at being who they are.”
Thor even mentions this at the end of the film. He says its time to just be who he is.
Acceptance, yes, but also a challenge to try and do better.
At one point in the last 12 weeks, I was about three pounds down from where I started. Then the last three weeks have been really crappy for me, and I’ve put on a significant chuck of weight. And I hardly walked at all, just 31 kms in August, the least amount this whole year so far. I self medicated with sugar, junk food, binge watching series, and even a few pina coladas, (even though I rarely drink alcohol because it makes my stomach hurt), which brings me this morning to 10 pounds MORE than where I started 12 weeks ago. What the hell happened?? I was doing okay, I was staying basically the same weight, even though I wasn’t losing the weight I gained after we moved in the spring, (which was the first tough life event in a series of tough events I have faced this year, one of which I write about here). I had even increased the kilometers I was walking each month from 40, to 50, then to 60 kms in July. I blogged every week. What the heck just happened?
I woke up yesterday morning and I didn’t want to do anything, even though it was a warm sunny day and a holiday. I felt terrible, lamenting to myself that how I felt was the sum total of every bad decision I had made in my whole life, and it truly felt like my whole life was a lot of bad decisions. I hit the couch and for some reason I turned on Avengers: End Game. Then I soon realized, hey, I am fat Thor. And I need to forgive myself.
So, what Thor taught me yesterday was that I can turn things around right now, today. I can stop doing the wrong things and start, once again, to make better choices. If a superhero, an actual god, (fictious or not), can fall apart like Thor did, no wonder a mere mortal like me fell into the pit for a while. And although I have faced my own share of personal struggles in the last few months, I can challenge myself to do better, starting right now.
Even if this blog message is just for myself, I am glad to put it out there, and tell myself that I know I can do better. And even if it feels like a lot of bad choices have been made, it’s never too late to start making other choices.
The Bio Joy Diet 