Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome Steps into the Spotlight

I recently watched this series Run Away on Netflix. I usually multitask a bit while a series plays in the background, so I miss little bits here and there while I am still “listening” to it, but not watching it. But at one point, I did think, “Hey, I didn’t notice before that the daughter was in a wheelchair, oh well, whatever.”

But then this article about it came up on my Facebook feed:

“It looked like a mistake at first. A detail that slipped through editing. But the truth behind it is far more human than viewers expected….

…Anya is played by Ellie Henry, who lives with Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome. It is a genetic condition that affects collagen, making joints unstable and movement exhausting. Some days, a wheelchair is necessary. Some days, it is not.

That reality was carried directly into the character….

…By not turning Anya’s condition into a storyline, Harlan Coben’s adaptation shows something simple and honest. Disability is not always visible. It is not always permanent. And it does not need a spotlight to exist.”

Frankly, 6 months ago I had never heard of Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome. That was until I was told I had it too, (hypermobility-type), and it explained why my heart mitral valve has torn, why I am struggling with small vessel constriction and circulation in my hands, why I have significant osteoporosis at only 54-years old, why I have sluggish digestion, why I now have bilateral inguinal hernias while simply working at a desk job, why my knee caps slip all over the place, why my shoulder dislocated so easily, (and was then also easily reduced, multiple times in one day, but not without tearing things and taking months to heal), etc.

I never realized with all the walking I do, it involves “muscle guarding” of my joints, especially my knees, which adds to my overall daily fatigue. But I need those lean legs muscles to keep going, so I don’t lose mobility! I notice almost right away, if I stop regular walking, how fast I de-condition. Faster than average, for sure. And my heart mitral valve leaflets did not tear because of some strain I put on my heart. Instead, my heart has strain on it because the valve leaflets are torn. So I need the cardiovascular exercise to keep my heart muscle strong, so it can handle the strain of the back flow of blood (regurgitation) caused by the torn valve leaflets.

Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome is a group of disorders, and has a spectrum, just like so many other things. Previously, I have not been high enough on the spectrum of resulting issues to have ever needed a wheelchair, for example, which is one of the reasons I went undiagnosed for so much of my life. My mother remembers taking me to the doctor at about 18 months old because I “walked funny,” my gait was very strange. She said it was almost as though I was swinging my hips to push my legs forward. In hindsight, it seems so obvious…but I totally understand how hard it would have been to realistically diagnose a loose joint/connective tissue issue at that age. Needless to say, after constant verbal correction, I eventually figured out how to hold my legs in a more steady way, and to walk straight. I also remember constant verbal correction to “stand up straight,” stop walking “knock-kneed,” don’t sit like that, etc. (Of course, extra flexibility alone, which kids naturally have their fair of, does NOT mean you have hEDS, but when you start adding up all the other issues… “If you are having trouble connecting the issues, think connective tissues”).

Anyhow, I just think that it is wild to hear that an actress hired to play a roll on a Netflix series has this same condition. And when cast for the job, Netflix just filmed her either standing and walking, or in a wheelchair, simply depending on her physical needs for the day. I think that is wonderful.

Workout Express Circa 2004

I found this picture from December 2004, from when I was going to Workout Express three to four times per week (after working 9 to 5 at an office). I am even wearing their t-shirt in the picture, and my cheeks are flushed from having just done a workout, and then driven home.

I was dedicated. Until I wasn’t.

It is truly exceptional to not only get fit, but to also stay fit. I tried to get fit and stay fit many times since my year at Workout Express. Did I even make it a year? Yes, I think I made it a year and a half. I quit when I changed jobs in April of 2006, because by then I was not going as much as I used to anyway. When I changed jobs in 2006, I was actually working on “building a career or business.” Both of those things, in fact. Helping my husband build his business, and going back to school part time to build myself a new career too. We were not raising kids full-time, but we were dealing with our fair share of “handling chaos.”

By the time I started this blog in 2019, I was trying to get fit, for the umpteenth time, and it took me a while to get to where I am today. Now I am trying to stay fit while “aging.”

Aging has added a layer of difficulty to staying fit, just like building a career and business, and handling chaos did. Maybe even more of a layer. And, of course, staying fit while handling chaos still exists. Unexpectedly this week, a huge sheet of ice slid off a cube van that we passed on the highway going 60 miles an hour, and it basically wiped out the whole front end of our truck! We were lucky we were not hurt, because it hit our front end, breaking everything through to and including part of the radiator. But luckily we did not get pushed off the road, and it did not hit or go through the windshield. Even though we have insurance, there is plenty of chaos filing the claim, extra traveling for repair estimates, then waiting for all repairs to be done, all the while being without the use of the vehicle until it gets completed, etc. That’s just life.

I have to remember aging is just life too. I need to adapt to the different signals from my body, and it’s fluctuating and/or changing capabilities. 20 years ago, because I was changing jobs, I basically abandoned Workout Express without a clear plan of what I was going to do instead. I have now learned that staying fit means staying with fitness routines, and adapting and changing them as necessary, but never abandoning them.

Diet Obsession and Getting a Smart Scale

I know I do not have to justify my decisions about this, but it helps me to articulate outside my own head why I just ordered the Lepulse Smart Scale for myself (with a gift certificate I got for Christmas). This is not an ad for the scale, lol, this is just for me, to organize my own thoughts and set my intention.

But…Is it diet obsession?

Or is it:

Passion
Commitment
Enthusiasm
Devotion
Engagement
Discipline

What does it really take for me to maintain this 70 pound weight loss? For the rest of my life?

I suppose it is all of these things: Passion, Commitment, Enthusiasm, Devotion, Engagement, Discipline, and yes, some diet obsession too.

I would be lying to myself if it did not admit that yes, I spend time (a fair amount of time) every single day logging what I weigh on an app, logging what I eat for total calories on an app, looking at how many macros (and grams of protein) I had for the day based upon what I logged in the app, what my average protein grams were for the week, logging my daily walk on an app, (taking a walk just so I can log it), looking at how many kilometers I have totaled up for the month (or recently, for the year), checking once a month how much body fat percentage my scale estimates I have, (and compare it to the previous month’s reading), checking my waist and hip measurement about once a month too, and so on, and so on…

Am I obsessed? Or just committed? Do I need to continue to be this enthusiastic to keep prioritizing my health like this…for the rest of my life?

Honestly, I think yes, I do have to spend part of my day, every day, paying attention to all these things. In the past, if I did NOT spend time paying attention to making my overall health a daily priority in this way, I did NOT maintain my weight, nor the level of fitness I had previously accomplished. I don’t just mean a previous weight loss. There was a time (2004-2006) when I belong to a gym, Workout Express, and I went there after work 3 or 4 times a week for a 30-minute circuit workout. I even did the 1-hour workouts a few times. And then I just stopped going. There was a time (2017-2021) when I worked out with a friend (treadmill and elliptical) at the gym in her building. And then we just stopped doing it one day, even before we both moved in 2022 to different towns.

And there was a time I stop tracking my walks on Runkeeper (in the first 4 months of 2013), and then it didn’t seem to matter if I took a walk or not. But it did matter, so I started tracking my walks again. Sometimes knowing I am going to track a walk, wanting to track it, is the ONLY thing that gets me out the door in the rain, for example. I find tracking highly motivating, simple as that.

Recently, I was very disturbed by my eating on Christmas Day. It was a true return to my old behavior. I know part of that eating was prompted by feeling terrible (physically), and thinking I could maybe find something to eat that would soothe how my stomach felt. First, I went to liquids, ginger ale, my favorite teas. Then I went to solid food, to soak up the liquid. However I was justifying it to myself at the time, I ended up over-consuming on a large scale, something I had not done in a very long time. I flirted with that behavior in October, over-consuming and indulging in “what’s the point in trying to be healthy” thoughts during Canadian Thanksgiving long weekend. But I was able to quickly stop that thinking, and stop that overeating. I still felt depressed, but thankfully, I stopped wanting to overeat. (I didn’t even really want to eat at all, I felt so down. But I blogged through it, and started to feel better).

But this last week since Christmas, boy, I cannot stop thinking about food. Excess food, sweets, and lots of it. The comfort of stuffing myself with food that day was intoxicating…it created physical discomfort, which somehow eased, or rather distracted, from emotional discomfort.

I think I need to pull out the big guns to get myself through this. So I ordered the smart scale.

Pulling out the big guns=diet obsession. But I find tracking so motivating, and a smart scale will give me new metrics to track. New metrics to obsess over? Maybe. But avoiding the obsession does not cure me of it either. I need to manage it, not hide from it. And if it keeps me going on a healthier path, instead of back to lack of regular activity (because it’s raining/snowing) and weight gain? Then I am choosing obsession.

Far be it from me to tell anyone else how they need to lose weight or maintain weight that has been lost. All I know is for me, counting things, tracking things, seeing small incremental improvements even, (more kilometers walked this month than last, or a faster pace, etc.), is motivating. Even when the numbers do not improve, knowing the numbers helps me to try again the next month, and to keep trying. Bone mass, muscle mass, protein grams, that is what I want to track, even more than a once a year Dexa scan.

Some people may be able to accomplish their goal intuitively, without tracking a thing. That is great. But I know I want to count and track, and I don’t resent having to do it daily. Some people reach a point where they think there is just no way they can keep tracking (whatever it is they are tracking) for the rest of their lives?!? Whereas for me, I am happy to think I can have my whole life sorted, organized, counted, and tracked, every single day, and sure, for the rest of my life, why not.

Even knowing my new scale is supposed to be delivered this afternoon encourages me to get all my winter gear on (which is actually a lot of gear these days) and go for a walk. And to stick only to the food that I plan to eat today, (instead of overeating unplanned leftover sweets), while prioritizing protein.

Whatever it takes to get me out the door each day for cardiovascular exercise, or gets me to do my yoga routine a few times per week, well, it’s worth it. If this scale influences me, I have decided that it will do so in a way that I will use as a super power. I am going to be passionate, committed, enthusiastic, devoted, engaged, and disciplined, and this scale is going to help me track it all.

Uninfluenced

In my last 2 blog posts of 2025 here and here, I mentioned not being influenced by unknown and uncontrollable things, and not to be influenced without instead taking the time to gather myself an adequate amount of information that will make me feel empowered in my decision making.

That is my word for this year: uninfluenced. To be uninfluenced is to be deliberate. Influence can come over you without you realizing it, or thinking about it. You just go along with something, without much thinking at all. I want to be uninfluenced, so that when I decide and choose something, it is NOT because I am merely going with the flow. I will seek out and independently research topics of my interest, and if I choose to then be positively influenced by what I discover, I do so with my eyes wide open, and with my own autonomy.

I have started this year, January 1, 2026, weighing exactly 4 pounds more than January 1, 2025, 1 year ago today.

And that is over 20 pounds less than January 1, 2024, just 2 years ago when I declared for the first time, “I am in maintenance!”, and meant it.

When I started to maintain my weight 2 years ago, I did not deliberately set out to lose 20 more pounds. Yes, I was vigilant with tracking my food in my LoseIt app, wanting to maintain and preserve my new healthy weight. But the extra 20 pounds lost happened somewhat organically. I did start eating more as I began maintenance, but I was also incrementally increasing my regular walking. I didn’t make any sudden large changes with my eating, but I was no longer actively seeking a calorie deficit. I just kept planning what I eat, (a little bit more than before), and eating what I planned. The scale kept creeping down.

After about 10 months into 2024, my weight stabilized at about 120 pounds, and it finally just stayed there. Then throughout 2025, it was not difficult to stay at or around 120 pounds. My body seems very comfortable here. Even with the probably half a dozen times in 2025 that I did not eat what I planned, and instead ate more, I did NOT have to restrict food to get the scale to come back down. All I did was return to eating what I planned, (maybe one less piece of cheese per day, me and cheese have a long history, lol), but for the most part, nothing dramatic. About week later I was always back to what was and appears to be my new “normal.” This tells me that for now, (maybe not always, but for now), my current weight is sustainable.

I know I am currently at what is considered a low BMI, (although still healthy for my height, and yes, I know, the BMI has flaws). And I know I need to be okay if my weight eventually climbs up and stabilizes at a slightly higher amount. In fact, I may be seeing a little of that happening already, because I did start HRT on December 15. It’s hard to say, because I also did overeat the night of December 21, followed by significant overconsumption of unplanned food on December 25, after which I saw a very large increase on the scale that has not yet entirely disappeared. And maybe it won’t. I do not feel the need to create a calorie deficit to try and lose those 3 or 4 pounds. I just do NOT want to slide into any old habits! I want to continue to simply plan what I eat, and eat what I plan, (with lots of protein).

I definitely want (yes, want) my weight to climb IF I am gaining muscle, (or maybe, please Lord, bone mass)! I am working on tracking my daily calories to include prioritizing daily protein amounts, combined with muscle building, mostly through targeted body movement exercises. I have my repeat Dexa scan already booked for June 12, 2026, which will be my next benchmark to see where I have got to in terms of my body composition, hopefully for the better.

Osteoporosis and hEDS: A Public Service Announcement

So, I mentioned in yesterday’s post that I would write about my new plan of action. It’s fairly specific to me, because at 54-years of age, my lumbar spine has been diagnosed with a t-score of -3.3, which is already half way through the osteoporosis scale heading for really severe (-4.0), whereas my hips are only osteopenic, (-2.1), but inching fairly close to osteoporosis themselves. This difference is common in connective-tissue–related bone fragility. So, maybe none of this would really apply to a fifty-something-year old woman who did NOT have hEDS. And even then, not everyone with hEDS will get dealt this osteoporosis card, (or the heart mitral valve card either, for that matter).

I used Chat GTP as a sounding board for the things I am about to talk about in this blog. To be clear, Chat GTP did not diagnose me. I was diagnosed by a doctor, by an echocardiogram done at a hospital, by a bone density scan done at a radiology clinic, and even by a Dexa scan, which even though is not considered medically diagnostic according to my doctor, did show questionable findings that got the ball rolling for me. (Best $249 I ever spent on that Dexa! The rest is covered by my medical insurance).

Anyhow, Chat GTP has real information at its disposal on my real diagnosed medical conditions, so it was a great place to have an evidence-based and knowledgeable chit chat. This is not medical advice, it’s just my experience and decisions based on information I have gathered.

When it comes to the different t-scores between my spine and my in my hips, the bone densitometry I had done on October 3, 2025, also looked at the neck of the hip versus the total hip, where again there was a slight difference for me:

“In your case:

• The total hip is lower than the neck

• This suggests relatively greater compromise of cortical bone than trabecular bone at the hip

This pattern is actually very consistent with connective-tissue–related bone fragility, where:

• Collagen defects affect bone matrix quality

• Cortical bone can become thinner and less resilient

• BMD may underestimate true fracture risk.”

Hmmm. Good to know.

Here’s the interesting part, if my osteoporosis was just because I started menopause about 2.5 years ago, then firstly, my t-score should not be this bad already! It’s only been 2.5 years! So we can feel confident my osteoporosis is connective-tissue related. And:

“Contrast this with:

• Postmenopausal estrogen deficiency, which often hits trabecular bone first (neck worse than total).”

Okay. It is my total hip that is worse, not the neck, (and it’s my spine that is really bad for my age). None of this would make any sense, really… except in terms of my having hEDS.

Because I have hEDS, I am very hesitant to take any bisphosphonates (like Fosomax) because of my digestion issues related to having hEDS. “GI intolerance risk is meaningfully higher in your case.”

And besides, for me specifically:

“Potential limitations of Fosamax for you

• It does not address collagen or bone quality

• It can over-suppress remodeling, which:

• May be problematic when baseline bone quality is abnormal

• Is a concern raised specifically in some hEDS populations

• Spine BMD gains tend to plateau quickly

• Fracture risk reduction in younger postmenopausal women with non-classic osteoporosis is less robust than in older populations.”

Yeah. Many women with these same t-scores that I have, are actually much older than me. I have strong legs and good balance, (and I can work on increasing my core strength also), so I am not really at risk of falling in the same way a woman coming up on 80-years old would be, (although if I did fall, I could break more easily, yes, that is true). Fracture risk is a huge concern for older women, especially in their seventies and eighties. All it takes is that one fall, leading to a fracture, and they can lose their independence. Woman in their seventies and eighties that find themselves with significant osteoporosis need to pull out the big guns to get the best return on their fall prevention investment.

I need to invest in fall prevention too, but, in theory, I should have many decades of life ahead of me, so it would probably not be good to be taking harsh medication for the next 30+ years!?!

Anyhow, even though my bone loss is not directly caused by menopause, that certainly has not helped things.

“But here’s the key distinction in your case

Postmenopausal osteoporosis:

• Primary problem = estrogen deficiency

• Estrogen replacement can be foundational therapy

Connective-tissue–related osteoporosis (suspected hEDS pattern):

• Primary problem = bone matrix / collagen quality

• Estrogen deficiency is secondary or additive

• Estrogen cannot correct defective bone scaffolding

So in your situation:

• Estrogen may help reduce the speed of loss

• It may slightly improve spine BMD

• But it cannot reverse the underlying fragility

This is why your hips are osteopenic, not osteoporotic — estrogen deficiency alone does not explain your pattern.”

So, estrogen may help a bit, so that is what my doctor and I have decided to do, good old Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT). Sure, there is a slight increased risk of breast cancer, but leaving my osteoporosis unchecked has risks also. Everyone must make their own informed decision in this regard, weighing benefits versus risks. (And for me personally, I am also taking micronized progesterone, because I still have my uterus, so a balance of both hormones on HRT is protective for that).

And for people with osteoporosis primarily because of menopause, if their doctor recommends it, I thought this was interesting:

“For lumbar spine osteoporosis, the timing of estrogen therapy is critical, with the greatest benefits occurring when treatment is initiated in the “window of opportunity” which is in the early postmenopausal years (typically within 10 years of menopause onset or before age 60).

Key Timing Effects

Early Initiation (Critical Window): Starting estrogen soon after menopause is most effective for preventing rapid bone loss. The first 5 to 7 years after menopause are when the most significant bone loss occurs in women due to estrogen deficiency. Initiating therapy during this period helps stabilize bone mineral density (BMD) in the lumbar spine and effectively reduces the risk of future fractures.”

I am only be 2.5 years into menopause. So, I now begin HRT as part of how I am starting to work on this problem for myself, based on my own personal “issues with my tissues,” that have been most probably been the main cause for me of this significant osteoporosis problem in the first place. And it looks like I am still within this good window of opportunity to be starting HRT.

That is it in a nutshell. I hope everyone has a wonderful New Year’s. Even with health concerns, being in the driver’s seat of my decisions, and putting those decisions into action, certainly feels better than instead simply allowing myself to be influenced, without taking the time to gather an adequate amount of empowering information on which I can make my own decisions.

Walking is Excellent Cardio

Today, I got a “2 for 1” special. First, I went for my stress test, which overall went very well. A few “premature ventricular contractions” at the start of the test, and then more PVCs again at the end, when I bent over to re-tie my shoes, (because I told them bending over is when I feel…out of breath…sometimes, so I bent over for a minute with all the leads still hooked up).

But otherwise, all the walking I do…has paid off. I have “above average for my age” exercise tolerance. I know it’s silly, but it was nice to get a “good grade.” I have identified that I rely far too much on external validation like feeling as though I have just “passed” a test, even a medical test, but overall, I still feel good to have got it done today, and to have confirmation that my consistency with regular cardio exercise—simply walking—has paid off in keeping my heart healthy enough to handle the extra stress of this valve issue.

And instead of having to go back for the 24-hour Holter monitor on Thursday, they saved me the drive, and hooked me up right after my stress test. It was truly lucky, as at first all 7 units the hospital had at hand this morning were all booked for people today. But then someone brought one back from their appointment yesterday, and they were able to rebook it out to me before I left. Woo hoo!

I am so glad all these tests will be done by noon tomorrow! I am also able to drop my unit off at the health lab in town (15 minutes from my house—small town), instead of driving it another further 25 minutes to the next town—larger town, where the hospital is. Also, there is a free public skating tomorrow too, so I can go skating, then drop off the monitor. Perfect! 😊

Some Bio Joy: Acts of Service

I do not often explore why I titled this blog, The Bio Joy Diet. I called it that because I fundamentally believe a person needs to tap into our own biological instincts, and use those instincts in a different way, if our intention is to have sustainable weight loss. So, I came up with a name for finding that biological foundation, and using it to make us happier, because being happier would help us tolerate less food. And we have to find something that makes us happier than food, because, by design, eating food makes us very happy. And successfully obtaining food makes us happy. Especially at the dawn of man, we had to love food enough to go out and get it, hunt it, gather it, which was hard and sometimes took all day! Which is why intermittent fasting is okay, because maybe that one big meal was a reward after a long hard day getting it, preparing it, and cooking it up!

I also know that biology will fight us tooth and nail to stay right where we are. And sometimes that is more weight than where we want to stay.

Homeostasis: a self-regulating process that allows organisms to survive and function in a constantly changing environment. But where we are at in weight, if that weight is more than we want to be, the problem becomes that our body doesn’t know why we want to eliminate our excess storage. All our bodies know is staying the same weight, whatever weight that may be, is better than not getting enough food. Our bodies ask us to focus inward on maintaining our survival.

The North American food environment is obesicentric, surrounding us with highly palatable, highly processed, and easily accessible foods in large portions, which even the most dedicated fitness program cannot outrun. And we have ended up heavier in weight (on average) because of it.

So, the only way to “outrun” this environment, when our instincts tell us instead to rest to preserve energy as much as possible, (that is survival too), is to find some “Bio Joy” in other ways. Go outward, outside ourselves, and use those instincts in new ways. Find purpose. Make our health our purpose. Rise above in the hierarchy of needs into the “esteem” category.

One way I go outward is to imagine that helping myself is just like I am helping others. An act of service. Of course, sometimes I do actually help others, not just imagine that helping myself is helping “others.” I travelled to pack my mom’s house when she moved. I travelled again to unpack her house when she finally bought one. I will help friends when asked. I will fill in working outside the home at a rural post office, (which although is technically getting paid to work, not “help,” but being available that one time with only 15 minutes notice to fill in for her because her car was stuck in her driveway in a snow storm, that felt a lot like an act of service, and I was happy to help).

I get a lot of joy out of helping others, when the opportunity arises.

Well, taking care of myself to bring myself back from the obesity I experienced most recently peaking in 2023, is helping “others,” in a manner of speaking. I show up better for my family in all ways when I have first taken care of myself. When that call came that she was stuck in her driveway, I was up, and dressed, with proper nutrition in me, and able to change my working from home into covering the counter at the rural post office instead, at a moment’s notice. If I had been eating chocolate in bed in my pajamas, procrastinating my own work from home responsibilities, then I may have struggled to help her out on short notice like that. Because how can I help anyone else, if I am not first helping myself?

I had to start treating myself as good as I would treat a friend. One common thread that I have personally found over the years is that women sometimes treat themselves badly. They take care of others, and actually punish themselves for their perceived failings. Especially when it comes to weight, because our bodies (our biology) fight us when we try to lose weight. And even when we do lose weight, our bodies fight us to put the weight back on. Biological fact=once fat cells are created, they never disappear. They can be emptied, but then they are more easily filled up again. A weight-reduced individual, (simply someone who used to weigh more), will always regain the exact same pounds faster than that very first time the weight was gained. Talk about adding insult to injury. Unless you experience gaining back weight “plus some,” it will only be the plus some that creates new fat cells. All the rest is rapid regain refilling the cells that were already there…just waiting to fill up again.

I have my fair share of fat cells that I have emptied out. But they are always waiting to fill up again, and it would not take long for that to happen.

So, all I can do is help my best friend today (myself), because she does not deserve to feel bad about herself today. She deserves to feel good, so she can show up for her family and her pets with the extra energy to give to them, because she took care of herself first.

Bikini Pictures: No Filter

—Picture on the left, July 28, 2024, 124.9 pounds.

—Picture on the right, July 1, 2025, 121.6 pounds

—A difference of almost 1 year, and only 3.3 pounds=real maintenance for me, for the first time in my life

—Same beach, same driftwood tree stump, no filter

I talked about my “shrinkles” here last year, so the intention of this post is not to brag—woo hoo, look at me in a bikini—and at my age! This intention of this post is to show that my “shrinkles” look a bit better one year later, thanks to regular exercise, mostly just walking…(and maybe thanks a bit to my having hEDS).

Because I am trying to convince myself to look at more positives about my health diagnoses. Even though I know I have been dealing with hEDS my whole life, I just finally have a name for it, I want to instead flip my script about knowing about these new things about my health, in an effort to deal more positively with my recent struggles with up and down mood swings.

So, a person who has hEDS can experience “a characteristic feature of hEDS is poor and delayed wound healing.”

But, they can also experience “The skin in hEDS may be described as soft, velvety, and hyperextensible (stretchy), which can sometimes be mistaken for ‘good quality’ skin, but its underlying structure is fragile, leading to the observed healing difficulties.”—Google

Myself, I think I have experienced the hyperextensibility, which helped my skin to stretch to accommodate my numerous weight gains and losses over the years. (And luckily for me, wound healing overall has not been that bad either). But I have not withstood my decades of weight fluctuations without some damage. However, there is always hope, “While skin turnover is around 14–28 days for younger people, it can take 60–90 days or longer for people in their 50s and older.”

That means for me, every 3 months or so, my skin can still improve following my weight loss, (most recently for me, a 70 pound loss), even with aging in my fifties.

I just had to give it some time.

And lots of walking.

Admittedly, July of 2024 I had gone into a bit of a mental slump, and I only walked 30 kms that whole month (doing about a 1K to the mailbox and back everyday, but no other activity). Right now, I am averaging about 100 kms per month. And I think it shows. Not just moving more, but moving more consistently.

Also, this post is to normalize that our bodies will show our history, unfiltered, our damage and scars too, and we should NOT feel bad about it. I have chosen to put out into the public space that yes, I was not perfect, I gained weight on and off over the years, because I overate many times for emotional reasons, not because I was hungry. But I also lost my excess weight, and now I am working very hard to keep off my excess weight, and this is what it looks like for me.

I am very lucky to have the body I have, defects in the manufacturing, and all.

Highs and Lows of a Different Kind

After my post earlier, I felt so much better. It felt great to be…honest. “I feel what I feel, and yes, I feel sorry for myself,” she declared. Instead of a more acceptable, (because I feel peer pressure to constantly check myself, and invalidate my own feelings just in case when comparing myself to others, they have it worse than me), instead just saying, “I’m fine.”

I am not fine.

But I will be.

The 2 pictures above are from Halloween 2012 and Halloween 2025. A 13 year difference.

Three times in my life (before now) I saw the 130’s. Back in 1991, after I got married (not before, lol), I saw 132 and 136 pounds for about 2 weeks (then it was Christmastime, oops, that did not last).

I have dieted since a very young age, (grade 3=stepping on the bathroom scale at a friend’s house, and being happy I weighed one pound less than my friend, is my earliest memory of worrying about my weight). I am 5 foot 6 inches, (oops, thanks to osteoporosis in my spine, I am now only 5 foot 5 and a tiny bit inches), and throughout a lot of my life I have bounced between the 140’s, and the 170’s. There were a few times when I really got up there, the 190’s=in the years 1998, 2011, and 2023. And even twice I crested into the low 200’s=in the years 1999 and 2003.

Then it took 21 years before I ever saw that weight in the 130’s again, the first of the above pictures=Halloween 2012.

In 2012, I found out I was Celiac. And after struggling with my food for decades, not just to soothe emotions, but also to some degree self-medicating digestive upset and low iron, going gluten free was truly a game changer. It felt easy to lose weight, and I was a lot healthier not battling against maldigestion, malabsorption, and other things that an undiagnosed Celiac experiences when they don’t know they should NOT be eating wheat, barley, and rye.

(The feeling great did not last, because I did not know then I also have hEDS. I saw the 130’s briefly in 2016, but experienced some of the same struggles self-medicating digestive upset and low iron for years before going completely grain free in 2019, which has helped me a bit with that. But there is no such thing as a PERFECT diet for someone with hEDS).

Needless to say, I coveted this picture. When I regained some weight, I would pull this picture out and stare at it=OMG, was that really me?? Wow, how did I do that? How did I actually get to that weight, and in my forties, no less?? (Which was 138.8 pounds, knowing that exact weight proves how diet obsessed I am/have been). Can I EVER get there again? Stop stuffing your feelings with food, you silly woman!!

Yes, that is how I talked to myself.

Anyhow, battling some depression lately has sent my brain to thoughts along the lines of=You know what would make you feel better? A whole bowl of pudding. Or these Almond cookies you just saw on Facebook. I bet your stomach could handle those…

Or this…

Of course, my stomach could NOT handle a whole batch…which would probably be what I would eat if I made them. Because I am desperate to feel better, ug! And only a whole batch will truly stuff me to the point where my physical discomfort will be enough to distract me from my emotional discomfort.

Which leads me to the second picture. OMG, is that me?? Wow, how did I do that? How did I actually get to that weight, (122.3 pounds), and in my fifties, no less??

So…

I must never forget that stuffing my feelings with food is NEVER the answer.

Next time I am tempted to overeat to soothe my feelings, I will just come here and read this post.

P.S. Obviously when I am struggling, I want to blog more, lol.

The First Test – Homemade Beef Jerky is Sexy

Okay, it finally happened, my first test.

Last week the scale climbed up a little bit. It went up .3 of a pound, and then another .3 of a pound, then back down .3 of a pound. Then up .4 of a pound, then up .3 of a pound, then up .5 more. The second half of those gains were, in part, due to the fact that I had made homemade beef jerky which turned out to be one of those “sexy foods” I mentioned in this post. Each piece just tasted like more please, and it was hard not to keep going back to the fridge for one more little piece, 3 days in a row.

Then on Saturday, I did give myself a small sunburn in a small spot along my lower back. Note to self, wear a longer shirt when weeding. So, on Sunday, I had a sore spot on my lower back that was sun burnt, and I don’t know if that small amount of pain and discomfort contributed to what happened next, but technically a sunburn is a physical injury.

So, then last night happened. Everything had seemed reasonably fine that day, then we had roast beef for dinner which turned out perfectly. After finishing my plate, I know I did not feel hungry, but my appetite was revved up and I wanted to just keep eating. So, I had a second helping. And then the old thought patterns started up again. The “you’ve already gained this week even though you were good, so you might as well be bad, have some beef jerky.”

Net gain for the week = 3.3 pounds.

So, that’s why this was my first test in maintenance.

Can I handle seeing this small gain on the scale, and simply make choices this week that will get me back down to where I was a week ago? It certainly has me giving this whole last week some serious thought.

I read a blog over 10 years ago written by someone who had been involved in a Weight Watchers campaign. Through that, she had a taste of being a public figure for a brief point in time. She was sent for an official photoshoot for Weight Watchers International and her picture and success story were advertised in other countries. As a yo-yo dieter, I have certainly dealt many times in the past with regain, and so did this blogger. With the whirlwind of traveling for WW, she experienced a small regain. I must have read her story over ten years ago, and yet this line still sticks with me. She said, “Meanwhile I gained a couple extra pounds and the self hatred built up like cat piss in clumping litter.”

And this: “I never LEARNED how to be OK with gaining a couple pounds and getting it back off.”

If I gain a few pounds, even if I am within a maintenance range, which I still am, I find myself this morning wanting to get them back off again. As. Soon. As. Possible.

This is my first test, learning that gaining a few pounds is not the end of the world.

In the past I have catastrophized gaining a few pounds. I have allowed gaining a few pounds (which will happen from time to time) to then lead to gaining a few more, and a few more, and a few more, until I’m absolutely terrified that I am going to regain out of all my clothes and regain all my weight! I catastrophize those first few pounds.

So, this week, I want to make choices that will help get those few pounds back off, and that looks like no more beef jerky for me. I made this batch just way too sexy for me. I could just add some pepper next time. My husband will love it, and I won’t mind it, but pepper is not exactly my favorite flavor, so that should dial down the sexiness for me.

That is the thing I suspected about maintenance. For me, it will be saying no to sexy foods that rev me up like that. In the last 9 months, I have had a few times where I’ve eaten “sexy food.” Christmas, I ate a bit of “sexy food,” on two separate occasions, but I was able to just be calm about it the next day. We went on a little camping holiday in March, and I ate some “sexy food,” and again, I was reasonably calm about it the next day and just carried on tracking my calories.

But I recognize this is my first true test at maintenance, where I learn a new pattern of just remaining calm after a week of gains culminating in a number of bad choices, and learning to be okay (instead of self destructive) about it. I am going to be okay with a few pounds gained and will now simply get them back off.