I missed posting last week. I am still finding it hard to be in the process of looking for a new job (going on 8 months now, I wrote about it here). I keep trying to reframe it positively: I am open to finding my next great thing! It will happen when it is meant to be! I will be okay!
But I am exhausted with the constant application process—waiting—getting an interview here and there—waiting—tweaking my resume and changing my cover letter over and over—waiting—169 applications now and still counting.
I have set a goal of getting rid of some clutter. The inverse of getting rid of something is what it might create. Getting rid of clutter will create space. What helps me purge clutter, however, is limiting the space I allow myself to store clutter in the first place. Then the space I will create is not because I want to fill it back up again, it is so I will have something new: just space.
I need to create an artificial limit of sorts. The problem with my clutter is that I am fairly organized, so my clutter is all neatly put away. Therefore, if I want to reduce useless items in my home that are not being used, I need to create a limit on the space I am willing to use, so that I will be forced to purge to fit within the new limit I create. Instead of a spending budget that limits spending, I need a “space” budget to limit what I keep. Because everything fits in the space I have right now, I need to focus on space I can create, (and not let my husband fill back up again. He is all about filling. Fill the pantry, fill the freezer, etc. I don’t want to fill, I want to un-fill).
I didn’t blog last week but that does not mean I fell face first into all the food at Christmastime. Other than a little issue with too much rum sauce, (butter, sugar, whipping cream, oh my), I ate well most of the time, not too much overeating, and I arrived this week only 1 pound more than before Christmas.
A good start to the new year 2023.
Which is something I really need after surviving 2022.
I don’t always blog about personal things that are going on, but the truth is I am currently looking for work, and have been for almost 7 months now, and it is stressing me out. And my EI is running out soon.
I have a casual job, where I teach 8-week-long online courses, a few times throughout the year, but it only amounts to a few hours a week. Once I initially wrote all the curriculum, (and that was a lot of hours of work for 4 weeks straight, but then it was done), I now just teach them over and over again, with a few adjustments here and there. I love the work, but I would need to teach at least 20 courses like that (instead of 4) per year to even consider it a part-time job, let alone a full-time job.
In 2018, I started grad school and for 3 and a half years I had this new long-term goal of getting my master’s degree to work towards. Also in 2018, because we knew we were going to have to move our modular home from where it was, we bought a piece of land 2 hours from the city and worked for the next 3 and a half years to get the land ready for the big move. Working, getting permits and work done on the land, and going to grad school, it was a very busy and stressful 3 and a half years. Before I finished school at the end of 2021, I got a full-time professional writing job, and that should have meant I didn’t have to stress anymore. I was on cloud nine. I had my master’s degree and now I was working as a full-time writer.
But 2022 had other plans for me.
My new professional writing job was for a start-up company, who, during the first 5 months of work, were late with depositing my pay on many occasions. Then starting in March and April of 2022, they missed entire paycheques, only paying once each of those months instead of bi-weekly. April was also when we moved our home, and we lived in a 5th wheel trailer for 7 weeks while the drywall was repaired, flooring was replaced, and the home was hooked up to all its services. At this same time my dad’s dementia became psychotic, and during an episode, he killed the family dog thinking it was a threat, (he had never, ever been violent before in his life). He gave my mother a black eye when she wrestled a hammer out of his hand. The RCMP took him away and he was hospitalized, and I wrote about it here. Writing really helps me.
By June, my dad was hospitalized permanently, and I knew I had a serious problem with my employer. They had not paid me since April. They laid me off on July 8 without ever having caught up my outstanding payroll arrears.
So, 2022 was a difficult year. I am still looking for a full-time job, and my EI will be running out in February. I suppose it is no wonder I gained 20 pounds last year. I should be happy it was only 20 pounds.
It helped that I started blogging weekly and posting them on Chris and Dawn’s Facebook page. As I said, writing really helps me. Writing about my health and my desire to lose weight keeps me accountable to myself and keeps me focusing on my health in spite of everything else that was/is going wrong in my life.
I hope 2023 has some good things in store for me, I know I will be working hard to make good things happen.
Years ago, I read about an interesting observation. Apparently, in a book about good sleep habits for your baby, it was illustrated that a well rested baby will go to sleep easier than a baby who is very tired, (which leads to an unhappy and fussy baby, and who then subsequently has trouble going to sleep).
My initial reaction was to think, won’t a tired baby go to sleep faster than a baby who is not tired? Apparently, the answer is no. In a lot of cases: sleep begets more sleep.
The same is true of so many things. The more I exercise, the more I want to exercise. The more I eat healthier choices, the more I want to continue to eat better. Good habits beget more good habits.
If I am honest, the better I sleep, the easier it is to go to sleep. When I get very tired, I can get wired, and then I don’t fall asleep as fast, my quality of sleep is crap, and then I feel like crap the whole next day. Good sleep begets more good sleep.
Okay, maybe I just wanted to use the word “beget” a whole bunch of times.
Last week I made better choices for myself. Less grains, (for me, grain free is pain free, but it can be hard to be 100% free as it eliminates so many food choices), and instead I ate more fruit and protein. I have shaved off 3 pounds, which is a huge win these days! And my desire to eat dessert instead of main course has dropped considerably.
I hope everyone navigates their holiday season in a way that makes them feel hopeful they can reach goals that may be set for the new year. I feel pretty lucky to say I actually feel as though I have positive head start for myself on obtaining my goals.
I have succeeded, and then I have had to start again many times. The trick is to never stop starting, so that I am always moving forward, which is always better than standing still. (Even if it feels like, as the U2 song lyrics say, you are running to stand still).
I worked that checklist of mine 4 out of 7 days last week and I am going to call it a win. If this is the beginning (again) then that means I am already ahead of the game by starting last week with some new daily habits, like tracking my food to see what happening there (instead of just mindlessly eating whatever and whenever).
I had to (re)learn a few things this week. For one, I am very goal orientated, (okay, I’ll say it, I’m dopamine dominant). NOT setting goals (short and long term), NOT having a daily checklist of tasks I want to complete, NOT striving to accomplish something in particular, yeah, definitely does NOT work for me.
For that last 6 months, I haven’t been following a checklist (or any consistent routine). But I know checklists work for me. In the last ten years, I have accomplished more than I thought I could. But I know that I could not have worked at a job, gone to school, stayed married (marriage takes attention and work too), kept my weight and health within a variable but acceptable range, and kept a reasonably clean house, without my daily and weekly checklists. And because I haven’t been doing what I know works, my weight and health are slipping out of a range that is acceptable to me.
Time to set some goals so I can celebrate little wins.
Time to start a checklist, daily, weekly, and long-term tasks to complete.
Time to celebrate little wins with rewards other than food. For me, there is enough reward in just completing something. My reward is fulfilling a promise I make to myself. It feels so much better to fulfill a promise, than to be letting myself down. I love taking pictures, (I am always younger today than I will be tomorrow, so I need to capture this moment in time), so I will reward myself with a great picture at Christmas, and great pictures in the new year too.
I am actually super excited to be starting another 12 weeks. I am going to count forward this time, because the counting weeks will not stop this time. Into the new year, and all next year, I will be showing up, getting things done, and starting to love life again. I cannot wait to check it all off my list!
Not exactly learned from Thor, like here, but I learned (relearned) a few things this weekend from watching Chris Hemsworth on Disney + and his series for National Geographic “Limitless.” Many of the ideas explored surrounding health (and thus improving longevity) were things I have read about before. The benefits of hot and cold temperatures, (sauna then a cold plunge, or even turning your shower to cold water for 30 seconds at the end of every shower can accomplish this), fasting or at least some intermittent fasting, walking or hiking in nature, (hiking on uneven surfaces and keeping your footing, and figuring out where you should be going and how to get back, exercises your brain, not just your body).
There was one line from the show I really liked, “You don’t stop moving because you get old, you get old because you stop moving.”
But the section on Memory was particularly poignant for me. Chris found out he has an increased risk of Alzheimer’s, (you can read about it here), and he is watching his grandfather struggle with the disease.
I am watching my dad struggle with dementia. I am watching him from afar, because I don’t live close enough to visit regularly, and that is difficult. And I wonder if, like Chris Hemsworth, do I have an increased risk? Do I need a genetic test to tell me I do? Or can I just make the changes I need to make right now, without a test?
I have been letting some negative thinking get me down. If that is what I have to look forward to, (what my dad is going through), then what is the point in anything? Why fight it? That is a terrible mind set for me to fall in to. Of course, I should fight it.
I’m going to really try and use what the series covered as a springboard in which to leap off in a new thought direction. There is a point in fighting, because each day, from now until whenever, (no one’s future is ever certain, genetic test or not), I can live each day better when I am taking care of myself. I can live this day just a little better.
I’m talking a good game here, time to put it into action.
Maybe it’s the weather change, but my motivation is low. And yet, I have moments in the day where I get a surge of positivity, and rush of hope, and I know that these moody days will pass. I will get through this mini-funk I am in.
How we say things matters. I know longer tell myself to lose weight to “look better.” Lose weight if you want, for whatever reason you want. But I tell myself to lose my bit of excess weight because it will mean I am making positive steps towards maintaining better health overall (the big picture). Healthy food choices and moving a bit more, (with the cold weather I have been moving less, not more), usually takes the numbers on the scale down, which would be really nice to do before Christmas. 😊
Okay, I’m not sure if I have wholly convinced myself just yet, but I am trying.
I didn’t really feel like blogging. And I suppose part of the reason for that is part of me doesn’t feel like “dieting.”
But its not really dieting that I am doing. I remember what it was like to be out of shape and in pain walking for too long. So, its not exactly dieting, its intentionally choosing foods that are good for me, (and then I end up feeling good, instead of sluggish or having a sugar hangover). And its intentionally moving my body more, to ensure I can do the things I want to do (like walk around a ghost town for 3 hours) when I want to do them.
Losing some weight will be a nice side effect of all that intention.
4 weeks to go, and then I am going to continue to do this, because I do not want to gain any weight over Christmas. For me, the key to accomplishing no weight gain over Christmas is to keep paying attention, and weekly blogging helps! I think I have formed some good habits, and I want to keep them.
Well, I didn’t hit 50 kms walked in the month of October, just 45 kms instead, but I also walked at other times that I didn’t track on my RunKeeper app.
The Ghost Town we went to on Sunday night at Three Valley Gap was amazing. And even though I am not doing that great, (if I only measure in terms of weight loss), I still appreciate that I move my body more than I used to, and I could walk around the ghost town (and up and down some narrow sets of stairs in old buildings here and there) without too much trouble. There was a time when I was a lot younger than now, when I was so out of shape that three hours of walking around would have been painful and exhausting.
The Bio Joy Diet 