A friend just posted on Facebook about doing a 12-week summer health challenge, and this is what I replied:

I’m with you!! I spent about 7 weeks living in an RV before getting into our new home, (March 28 to May 17), so my healthy routines became non-existent. And then when we moved in 4 weeks ago, there was unpacking to do before I had a working kitchen, etc., so it was easy to let convenience eating of too much crap become a new habit. This is exactly what I need to get back into a new routine where I prioritize health and start eating better along with regular exercise. I do so much better when I have a plan, and daily and weekly exercise goals to hit. 

I was reading a debate about what is really going on with “us” as a society, in terms of our weight and health, and the one thing on which the debaters could agree was that we are, indeed, still on average getting heavier, in the nearly 20 years since these numbers were published:

“Far more people in the past, say pre-1980, seemed to be able to deal with these phenomena and avoid obesity. ‘The average weight for men rose “dramatically,” in the CDC’s words, from 166.3 pounds in 1960 to 191 pounds in 2002. Women went from 140.2 pounds in 1960 to 164.3 pounds in 2002.’”

So, what about now in 2021?

One person said, “The existence of exceptional willpower is a mark of exceptional self-discipline, a level not practical to achieve for most.”

Another person said, “People don’t avoid obesity by exceptional willpower. They just have healthy eating habits, usually ones formed during childhood.”

But then something that really resonated with me was, “My non-scientific observation is that the normalization of consumption of huge portions of calorie-dense ‘foods’ is directly correlated with increases in obesity.”

Having just read about the Asch Conformity Experiments here, my non-scientific conclusion is yes, if something is normalized in society, according to the experiment, “75% of participants gave at least one incorrect answer out of the 12 critical trials.” We like to conform.

But “Only 5 percent of participants were always swayed by the crowd.”

That means there exists the ability, in 95% of us, to resist what has been normalized, and take a tough look at our health. And if our health is being affected by food choices that have been “going with the flow,” for example, the increase in prepared foods via meal delivery during the pandemic, where calories and portions are determined by someone other than ourselves, then we maybe we have to make some tough choices. We have to start trying harder.

The whole reason I came across this information today was because on a bit of a whim, I googled my current weight, (164.3 pounds), and this information came up, because my weight today was the average weight of women (according to the CDC) in the year 2002.

I am by no means perfect, and I am going to keep trying to get to a weight that is healthiest for me.

Last summer I started new habits, the main one being planning what I would eat ahead of time, (healthy meals, as defined by me and my body), and then just stick to the plan.

Because I stuck to the plan, I didn’t have to make spur of the moment decisions about food. Once I had done this long enough, my brain stopped hounding me to make choices about food, because there were no choices to make. There was just: eat what I planned, and that’s it. Simple. It’s called automaticity, and it kicked in about 3 months after I started the habits. Automaticity: The ability to do things without occupying the mind with the low-level details required. It is outlined in the book, Bright Line Eating, and although I have a few modifications, (for example, I use Stevia sweetener, and when it comes to quantities, I plan, but don’t use a food scale, and as a grain free Celiac, the no flour rule was easy for me), it really quieted all the food thoughts I’d been plagued with my whole life. All the “should I, shouldn’t I, will I, won’t I” were just gone. When I stopped thinking so much about food, my brain stopped offering me thoughts about food.

One draw back is the requirement that you go long enough sticking to your plan to get that automaticity to kick in, which will make food choices so easy, because there are no choices, only planning ahead. For me, it took almost 3 months. I was highly motivated at the time, with lots of upheaval in my life, the loss of a beloved pet and the plan to get a new puppy.  So, at the time I wanted something with which I could count on and anchor myself. My newly adopted food planning was it. And when automaticity finally kicked in, suddenly it felt easy. Yes, I was dieting and it was easy!

9 months later and 30 pounds less I feel calmer about food. Sure, I get the odd thought about indulging in a treat, but part of my brain knows and says to me, “But you don’t make those choices anymore, so I doubt you’re going to now.” My brain is finally working for me, instead of what felt like against me. So, it is pretty easy to just dismiss the thought about eating something I didn’t plan and move on. I also have to the freedom to plan to eat whatever I want, whenever I want. I just don’t make sudden exceptions, or else my brain, (as it has in the past), will ask if I want to make an exception the next time a similar situation arises. No exceptions, just eat what I planned, means my brain no longer hounds me.

Since then, the only other draw back I have faced is that when it is suddenly suggested we go to a restaurant, (although due to Covid-19, that hasn’t happened since March), I haven’t adapted well. But there is a solution to that. I just need to have a standing plan ahead of time for what I eat in restaurants, no choices to make.  So that when a last minute opportunity to eat out comes up, I have the plan I decided on ahead of time to fall back on. No exceptions. If I keep it simple like that, I prevent my brain from waking up to thoughts of all the choices about food to make. That wouldn’t be a problem for some people, but once I wake my brain up to offering me lots of choices, it takes a while to quiet it back down again. Eating in a healthy way that has stabilized my weight is only easy when my brain is quiet about food.

On the Left = Jan.24, 2020, 149.6. On the Right = Jan.25, 2016, 137.6.

Lucky me, I finally got back to down to 149.6 pounds, which is exactly 30 pounds less than the 179.6 pounds I saw briefly on July 23, 2019.

So, that’s 6 months later, 30 pounds less.

Earlier in the week, I decided to let go of my goal weight of 142 pounds because if I’m always thinking about being 142 in the future, I’m not enjoying the present. And that’s been a pitfall for me in the past. My body plateaued at around 150 pounds for the last six weeks, ever since I hit 149.4 on December 13, and I saw a 4 on the scale for the first time since getting back from Hawaii in 2017. But then, you know, Christmas dinner, and a couple of days where I just made exceptions and ate extra food at home, and then we went to Red Robin two weeks ago unexpectedly, where I had burger and fries. It was a healthy lettuce wrapped burger with guacamole sauce, and yam fries, so yeah. lots and lots of “healthy” calories. Because of all that, I have stayed in the same weight range for quite a while now. So, I kinda declared earlier this week, I have plateaued, but I’m going to enjoy every single minute of being 150 pounds, instead being 170, which is where I was for almost 2.5 years before bouncing up close to 180 back in July.

It’s been two and a half years of mostly bouncing around 170 pounds. So, I’m going to love every minute of who I am today, and from now on be in the moment, and stop hoping for this future me at 142, where I’m finally love myself more. Instead, I will love myself right now at 150 pounds.

Dieting pit falls to avoid (all of which I have done in the past):

1. Do not set an unrealistic goal weight and forget to just enjoy the weight I am at right this moment.
2. Do not buy new clothes at a low weight and get rid of every else that is a larger size.  I am not invincible.  A small gain of three to five pounds will mean clothing becomes tight (on my body, at least, 5 pounds is one inch on the hips), and then I would be miserable, instead of what I should be: happy!
3. Do not forget how great it feels to be LESS weight than before.  Even if I keep going down in weight (just numbers on the scale), and then back up a bit again (normal fluctuations), do NOT focus on it as being more than the low weight.  I am still LESS than before, and I should never forget it.

“Though this be madness, yet there is method in’t.”

—Shakespeare, Hamlet

Over the weekend, I finally decided I needed more pants. I am losing weight very slowly. So slowly, in fact, it feels like I am not losing anything at all. But that is not the truth. I fluctuate, but it is still a downward trend.

I gained weight so fast in 2017, and it was spring, so I switched to wearing capri pants and never bought new pants that fit at a higher weight. Because of that, coming down the scale now, currently I only have 2 pairs of pants that fit me right now, already hanging in the closet. That means I needed to go buy new pants. Pants that fit me, pants that are my size now, not the size I chastise myself for not being.

The thing is, whether it was positive at the time, I don’t know, I created the idea that I don’t deserve clothes that fit me unless I am at an ideal weight. It could have been positive, something along the lines of, “If you lose a little weight, we can reward you with a shopping trip for some new clothes.” I don’t think I was ever told I didn’t deserve new pants because I had gained weight. Regardless, that is a feeling I felt, and I tried to soothe those feeling with food.

There are bad feelings, then there is seeking a remedy for the feelings. I used to use food to attempt to remedy the bad feelings, but it didn’t work very well. Despite this, I made the connection, first comes bad feeling, then comes food.

I finally figured out the connection. I felt bad for having to buy pants that fit me right now, because I still own my old set of clothes from 2016 when I was thinner. But once I identified that feeling bad was tied to an old script I made up in childhood, (getting bigger means your pants don’t fit you, shame on you, get smaller again so you fit your pants), then I could be an adult and just buy for myself what I need. And I didn’t turn to food to soothe (ineffectively) the bad feelings.

The real truth is, this time, I do not know how much weight I can lose. Sure, I’d like to lose 10 more pounds. But what I want more (for the first time in my life) is to stay where I am and not gain. I am willing to give up the idea of being ‘thinner’ just so I don’t get ‘fatter’ than this.

Betwixt and between—I believe I first heard that phrase in Peter Pan. But it describes where I am at currently, not fully where I want to be size wise, but not as heavy as I was either. In 2017, when I was at this weight before (after coming back from our trip to Hawaii with a few extra pounds), I started to struggle. And then I gained 20 pounds very rapidly. At that time, I had a number of pairs of pants. First, they got tight. Then too tight to wear comfortably. Then I started wearing carpi pants in a bigger size (it was spring by then). And 6 weeks later I was about 4 inches in the hips too big for all those pants. And after the summer spent in a new set of larger shorts (not the shorts I had worn in Hawaii, they definitely didn’t fit anymore), I just went out and bought a whole new set of pants that fit me at my new size, the size in which I would spend the next 2 years.

2 years.

Now, losing weight since I turned things around on July 23, I haven’t even had the excitement of being about to fit smaller pairs of pants in my closet. I didn’t have any smaller pants to fit, having gained so quickly back in 2017.

Despite looking for that validation, I have to remember how far I have come in the mean time. Despite feeling like it is taking forever to get this weight off, I must be patient because I’m just not ready to stop yet. That means continuing to eat healthy and saying no to extra food and calories I don’t need. So, going into the holiday season, is there any food that I’m not eating now, that would be worth getting off my healthy plan for? Eggnog perhaps? What would happen to me if I made an exception and drank eggnog?

I would train my brain to make exceptions.  And right now, I don’t do that.

Smarter people than me, like Susan Peirce Thompson, PhD, say it better than I can here.

This is the part I really connected with:

“What’s on this side of the equation, and what’s on this side of the equation? When you think about that voice of that saboteur that might be saying something like, ‘Oh, just a bite of that—you know holiday tradition. Or just a little bit of this. Or just relax the rules a little bit. Or you deserve it. Or you’ll tighten up, you know, in January.’

Think about what you buy if you follow that path. You buy a little comfort, a little ease. You grease the social skids a little bit, you don’t need to say no to, you know, Aunt Judy when she says that she bakes especially for you, you know.

Think about what’s on this side of the equation. Your health or happiness. There will be living in a right size body. Getting off those medications. Waking up in the morning without joint pain. Depending on what kind of numbers you’re coming from, getting to fly on airplanes without worrying about how much space you are taking up beside you, not having to use a seat belt extender. Liking how you look. Feeling good in your skin. Being able to show up in the summer in a bathing suit. Avoiding heart disease, greatly reduce risk for cancer, for diabetes. Having energy to get through everyday, to do everything else that you most like in life. And loving life. Basically, all of you, if you’ve been bright for any stretch of time, you’re probably aware that on this side of the equation is all that’s good with life, like, all of your upwelling of gratitude and freedom and peace…

And on this side of the equation…is basically a cookie.

And in what world does all of that get counter-balanced effectively by that? Like, really, that’s insanity. I know that’s a strong word, but it’s such a lack of proportion, right, lack of ability to think straight. To think getting to eat however many more bites of food for, you know, this holiday season, is worth trading in all of this stuff for. Stay on medications. I’ll hate myself. I’ll be fat. I’ll maybe not live to see my grandkids graduate from high school. I’ll be a miserable wretch to my spouse. I’ll…on and on and on, right?

And then it gets worse, because, of course, when you pick up that food, the idea is that it’ll—the lie is—that it will scratch some kind of itch, right? But it’s not what happens. Does it scratch the itch, or does it make it itchier? Do you not then create a brain that is demanding the treat again at the next available opportunity?”

Because what happens is you train your brain either way. Either way, if you’re squeaky clean bright, you train a brain that expects you to be squeaky clean bright. And what happens is eventually it stops asking for any exceptions. Literally, the inputs to the basal ganglia—which are the decider molecules, the parts of the brain that literally decide what you’re going to do moment to moment—they get fed options by the cortex in general. They get fed options of, like, well, we could go to a movie tonight. Well, we could read a book tonight. Well, we could…does it say we could fly to Mars tonight? Probably not. Why? Because that’s not a realistic option, given the lay of the land. The fly to Mars suggestion never comes in for what to do on a Friday night right. Similarly, as soon as the brain knows that you’re not going to eat anything off plan, it gives up making the suggestion. You train your brain to never propose that bite of that food. In contrast if you have a stretch of bright days and then break, you train your brain to become a brain that has a stretch of days and then breaks.

So, that voice that says that it will be easy to start again on January 1^st? I’m sorry, but it’s not accurate. That voice has no idea, and it’s not speaking from any place of knowledge or experience.”